What I Learned This Week - 1/23/26

1.  I don’t know why “Mac-N-cheese-flavored-jelly” needs to exist. #GaggingNoises
2. No one can stop you from using three Hawaiian rolls instead of a hot dog bun. #StillDelish
3. If you walk into a bar restroom and the stall door is made of cardboard, you can be sure that a fight is about to break out any second. #IHidBehindTheBar
4. Google can’t answer the conundrum, “if someone dies using items from your first aid kit, do you need to rename it your last aid kit”? #DeepThoughts
5. I don’t understand why the Flintstone’s vehicles weren’t powered by some tiny dinosaur like all their kitchen appliances, and if they had to run to operate their vehicle why they didn’t just run without it. #DontRewatchOldCartoons
6. I don’t think I’ve heard of a single case of “Spontaneous Human Combustion” since I was ten. #WhatHappened
7. The existence of the words boyfriend/girlfriend implies the existence of the words boyfoe/girlfoe and I think it is time to normalize this. #maybe
8. Best t-shirt this week goes to a woman with very large boobs and wearing a face mask whose t-shirt read, “Most problematic maiden at the joust”. #NotForMe
9. If a family member asks what you’re watching and you reply, “a film about the misconceptions of ownership and land rights of wetlands under an absolute monarchy”, you’ll get to watch Shrek in peace by yourself. #Maybe
10. No one has been able to give me a reasonable answer to why the term, “non-binary”, has a masculine and feminine form in other languages. #BrainHurts
11. I honestly don’t know how Social Studies teachers right now are supposed to teach about the three co-equal branches of the government and what their functions are. #ChecksAndBalances
12. I have a hard time explaining to my eight-year-old self that at some point in time he’d be confronted with the conundrum, “Is that AI generated or is it cake?”. #NothingIsReal
13. I don't understand why baking shows don't start with 13 contestants. #BakersDozen
14. Anyone can call themselves an olympic hopeful, there's no formal paperwork for hope. #CueTrumpets
15. When you misspell “hemoglobin”, your blood becomes infected with science fantasy creatures with +2 hit points. #HemoGoblins
16. There are people that mix their peanut butter and jelly together then put it on bread to make a PB&J. #ActualGoblin
17. In 1975 the Pillsbury company introduced “weiner wraps” which were pre-cut dough for hotdogs and were discontinued in the US in 1979 due to their “suggestive and provocative” name. #TimesHaveChanged

What I Learned This Week - 1/16/26

1. I have no idea what kind of joke-hand-signs bunnies do to one another behind their heads when taking group photos. #AntlerEars
2. When solicitors leave unwanted business cards, I will leave that business card on a random car in the grocery store parking lot with the word, “Sorry” written on it. #MissonAccomplished
3. The free refill cups at the local gas station only apply to fountain beverages and not gas. #FinePrint
4. Having an image of your significant other on your lockscreen is the twenty-first-century equivalent of wearing a locket with their photo in it.#maybe
5. There are few things creepier than listening to a parrot sing, “let the bodies hit the floor”. #Flooooor
6. My dogs all move to different places in the house when the washing machine hits the scary cycle. #SpinMeRightRound
7. If a blind person reads a braille sign that states, “Do Not Touch”, I’m not sure if they are violating the sign's warning. #maybe
8. New traumatic t-shirt of the week goes to a young lady in the grocery store wearing a shirt that read, “Death is the only thing that fights to have you and ultimately wins”. #BackAwayFromGothGirl
9. I think the only reason Buckee’s sells massive jars of pickled eggs is to make college road trips more interesting. #GaggingNoises
10. Crabs would be far more terrifying if they were venomous. #Maybe
11.  If you’re feeling a little down, just call (707) 873-7862 and get a pre-recorded pep talk from a California Elementary School student. #AlwaysPress3 #PepTocHotline
12. I’m shocked that there are enough people in my area that have influenced the order option of “extra crust” at my local pizza establishment. #ItsNotThatGreat
13. Apparently the complete phrase is, “Curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back”. #Wuwhat
14. “Jack of all trades and master of none” is only completely quoted when adding, “but better than a master of one”. #SuperDiss