What I Learned This Week - 12/20/13

1.  The small condiment packets of salt have a warning label, "Warning: contains salt".
2. Race marshals sometimes don’t know their own course. Thank you for accidentally shortening the run by a mile and a half, then making it up by offering a discount on my next race entry fee.
3. My youngest loved my response to her question, "What would you do if there was an earthquake?" My response, "Stop shaving". 
4. My kids are at that age where I can no longer answer their questions. I actually caught myself replying, “No, I have no idea why backache relief medicine is on the bottom shelf of the supermarket.”
5. I can add, “Make guys with M-dot tattoos cramp up and drop on a final sprint of a duathlon” to my list of accomplishments.
6. When UPS shows that a tracked package has arrived at its final destination, they lie.
7. Never begin a major surgery on an electronic device unless you are certain to have ALL the tools and parts.
8. Newton running shoes are not made for snow or mud.
9. Sometimes you don’t want to see what’s in the pipe.
10. Select your running partner(s) carefully. My springer runs at a 7:10 pace. My Lab runs at a 9:15 pace. If you tether them on a short lead together you can’t average their paces and you will likely end up on your face.
11. According to my oldest, her friends have elected me as “parent that is the biggest kid”. I’m not sure how I feel about this……it’s more worrisome that they are all boys. 
12. I do not like the extra hour added to my evening commute because people are out shopping to be “generous”.
13. You know it’s getting serious when you break out college textbooks.
14. I don’ know why I can’t remember to fast forward through commercials during shows I’m watching on my DVR. 
15. When the odds are in my favor, it’s usually something I don’t like.
16. It is extremely entertaining to listen to people from Germany try to pronounce the English word, “Squirrel”.
17. Many people just read, “Squirrel” aloud.
18. When comics from my youth are on sale for 2 for $0.99, I will buy them even though I have no desire to read them.
19. If I put up a sign in my home or in my office “It has been X days without sarcasm”. X would always be zero.  I’m not sure, but I might be the problem.
20. I have no idea why the banana has become the most popular item to use in a photo for scale comparison.
21. Some days I wish I had a Marauder’s Map for work and/or home.
22. According to a recent study published in the British Medical Journal, 1 in 200 American Women/Mothers claim to have experienced a virgin pregnancy. Nope, I’m not even going to comment on that.
23. Engineers at the Pacific Northwest National Laboratory have created a chemical reactor that takes in wet algae and outputs crude oil 60 minutes later through a fancy pressure-cooker. The only byproducts are clean water and a phosphorous-containing waste material that can be reused to grow more algae or converted into a burnable gas among other things. Now we’re getting somewhere.
24. Yes, a movie titled, “Big Ass Spider” is coming to DVD and Blu-Ray on January 7th. You know it’s got to be good when it skips theaters, the SciFy channel and goes directly to digital media.
25. Nothing good comes from a 2:00 am phone call.