What I Learned This Week - 4/25/14

1.  Apparently I’m one of the few people who question the wording of school publications that advertise fundraisers, and the administrative staff is not appreciative of it. “Skate City Fundraiser today!!” – Why are we raising funds for Skate City instead of the school?
2. Some people, with fancy college educations, actually believe Denver doesn’t have enough oxygen to sustain life and that we continually live if a state of borderline Hypoxia.
3. I use the people in #2 as evidence that zombies are real.
4. According to B612 Foundation, the nuclear test warning network has identified 26 multi-kiloton explosions since 2001 that were actually cause by asteroid impacts. According to a representative, “the only thing preventing a catastrophe from a 'city-killer' sized asteroid is blind luck." I’m told Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck are waiting instructions.
5. Due to the amount of heat given off by grow lights, Police now use thermal imaging cameras mounted to drones to seek out marijuana growing operations and properly tax the grower. More interestingly, drug cartels are using the same technology to find the competition and steal their product. It brings new meaning to “weeding them out”.
6. I forgot how much I missed playoff hockey.
7. According to friends, I’m one of those people who either texts a response amazingly fast or five hours too late. Text me at your own risk.
8. My loving wife is teaching my daughters a mantra, “All boys are stupid….except Daddy”. Unfortunately, I haven’t lived up to my end of the mantra lately.
9. When your spouse calls and asks if you would like ice cream, the answer is always, “yes”. Even if you are full and/or just had ice cream.  “Yes” also means “eventually”.
10. My kids have no recollection of ever calling me “Dada”, even though they stopped doing it only a few years ago. 
11. Impressions of my kids when they were two will make them wet themselves. I consider that a small victory and a type of revenge.
12. According to my oldest, “Captain America – The Winter Soldier” is a three big cry movie – that’s like five stars.
13. The Nintendo Gameboy turned 25 this week, just in case you weren’t feeling old enough.
14. Whether it is a mountain bike or a truck, it is your baby until it gets its first scratch. It is extremely saddening when it happens in the first ten minutes of ownership.
15. Powdered alcohol, (aka “Palchohol”) is now legally available in the US. Donuts with sprinkles could now potentially be an alcoholic beverage.
16. Giraffes actually have the same number of neck vertebrae as humans—just seven, but they are “slightly” bigger.
17. Male giraffes will test a female's fertility by tasting her urine - which is something you can't unknow.
18. According to an in the Harvard Theological Review, new scientific tests have turned up NO evidence of modern forgery in a text written on ancient Egyptian papyrus that refers to Jesus as being married. I’m really interested to hear what she complained about.
19. A very evil game developed merged the games “Flappy Bird” and the ever-popular “2048” and created “Flappy48”. Some people just want to watch the world burn.
20. Best way to stop someone from wanting to tickle you is to inform them that you have really bad gas. 
21. “Pooping Jabba” would be a great name for a rock band.
22. Sometimes it's good to sleep in.