What I Learned This Week - 7/4/14

1.  All the batteries on Earth can store 10 minutes of the world's electric needs.
2. Soreness from working out can be eliminated by eating 1/3 of a watermelon. Watermelons contain l-citrulline, an amino acid that protects against muscle pain. Yes, you can juice it if you are freaky that way and achieve the same outcome.
3. A recent study revealed the popular kids in high school are far more likely to be substance abusers and socially incompetent.
4. "Selenophobia" is the fear of the moon which is different from "hairyrectalphobia" which is the fear of being mooned. Yes, I made the second one up.
5. Rest easy, a zombie outbreak would never last more than 2 days due to natural predators like maggots and hot weather tearing them apart.
6. World famous chef, Gordon Ramsey, left his first job because the head chef was a bully and had rages of violence. Hello pot, this is kettle. You're black.
7. I know I will not be able to focus well during a day when I read a stop sign and have to add verbally, "collaborate and listen.... Ice is back with my brand new invention", then break into a seat belt dance. I should just call in sick.
8. Many forms of personal watercraft now come with superchargers as a standard “accessory” (insert Time Allen grunt here).
9. According to my physician, her assistant and the general population of the doctor’s office, my oldest has extremely small ear canals. Feel free to remind her of the fact.
10. After said doctor’s visit for ear “problems”, I’m fairly certain my oldest could make a Shrek ear wax candle if she desired.
11. Cycling time trial specialists use 3M Super 77 Spray Adhesive or 3M Repositionable 75 Spray Adhesive in lieu of safety pins to hold racing numbers on their jerseys.
12. No matter the race or my finish, I always have the hindsight doldrums – “What if did xxx?”
13. “Bacon-wrapped-churro” is a thing.
14. The “putting on pants with no hands” video that has circulated the interwebz this week would be far more impressive if the pants were button-fly 501’s.
15. Sharktopus is coming back and he's fighting Pteracuda on August 2, 2014.
16. According to a comedian on AGT, “transparency” is when a father dresses as the mother and the mother dresses as the father.
17. My kids get grounded a lot for calling me a “butt-Dad”.
18. I gave it the college try but I’m still not a fan of soccer. I’m fairly certain soccer players are the only people who can fake things better than women.
19. Someone changed the photo of US Secretary of Defense on Wikipedia to US Soccer goalie, Tim Howard. It was awesome for the three hours it existed.
20. If I feel REALLY good about a training session, I should leave it at that and not check how it compares previous sessions on Strava.
21. Google has started group testing its new modular phone. Yes, it will be the next big thing. 
22. After several months without dish/cable TV, I’ve discovered my dogs are far more amusing than any show I’ve watched. 
23. Bread should have an alternate packaging option for being cut longitudinally. This request at my local grocery store bakery makes their heads explode.
24. I cannot resist reading spoilers.