What I Learned This Week - 7/29/16

1.  503 days until Star Wars - Episode VIII is in theaters.
2. Putting press-on nails on the end of hot dogs is one of the creepiest things I have not thought of.
3. True self-control is waiting until the movie starts before you eat your popcorn. #CantBeDone
4. When my kids ask why I have a lightbulb in my mouth, responding with, “having a light snack” will only make them close their doors and hide.
5. Wearing a crop-top while standing in a cornfield is redundant.
6. When an older gentleman in an elevator states that his pants fit like an “old, cheaply made castle” to his wife, I will be in tears for the rest of the day. #NoBallroom #YesImFive
7. Don’t visit “Dear Photograph” unless you want to be teary-eyed the rest of the day. #ThemFeels
8. According to my youngest, farts are ghosts of the things you eat. #boo
9. In today’s modern media, there is no difference in the words “leaked” and “stolen”.
10. Until recently, I thought “cannabis career fair” was a euphemism for something other than actual jobs.
11. I’m not sure if the phrase “going to Chipotle with Aristotle” is funnier if you mispronounce “Chipotle” or “Aristotle”.
12. I’ve never met a baby named, “Craig” – I’m fairly certain that’s a name given to a child once they graduate high school. #LookingAtYouStauffer
13. I’m not sure why I get so much joy in covering my dogs in blankets and then watching the lump of fabric try to navigate the family room.
14. Scientists believe that cockroach milk could possibly be the superfood of the future. #IDont
15. If NASA doesn’t name the first city colonized on the planet Mars, “Marsatlan”, they are just wasting everyone’s time.