What I Learned About Marriage - 1/25/13

 Today marks the date I married the most amazing person I know. Her biggest mistake is my greatest accomplishment. Here is what 16 years of marriage has taught me:

1. My wife does not like breakfast in bed – ever. It gets the bed "dirty".
2. You can only blame the dogs and kids for so long.
3. Many gush about having someone to talk to (which is wonderful), but I appreciate the fact I have someone to be silent with.
4. Mattresses come and go but bedframes are forever.
5. I will never understand the bond between my wife and daughters. It amazes me that regardless of disputes, there is a switch that gets turned and in the matter of seconds they are a hallmark greeting card gushing with love.
6. If my wife says, "Now don't get mad"....Yup, I'm getting mad.
7. The best advice I ever received was in the form of a joke, but it rings true. The only response in an argument with my wife to avoid bloodshed is, “yes dear”. Thank you Craig Stauffer.
8. It is true; there are ultimately two decisions to make in any marriage – the decision to be right or the decision to be happy. I am happy, happy, happy.
9. My mood directly reflects my wife’s, but not vice-versa. It proves the adage, “If momma ain’t happy, no one is happy”.
10. No matter how much I try to re-enact a romantic movie scene, it always ends as a skit from the Three Stooges.
11. I never thought I’d have a mid-day phonecall curfew. No calls between 4:00pm and 4:30pm. If she didn't have the kids and neighbors as alibis, I'd be suspicious.
12. I still cannot bring myself to going through her purse. I have no idea why.
13. I may be more of a chocoholic than my wife...but it's her fault.
14. There is something wrong if I have a cup of coffee and no beautiful face in view on the other side of the mug.
15. When my wife says, "you might want to look at *insert mechanical device*", it means I have a fix-it project for the rest of the day.
16. According to my wife I have a terrible memory, but I can't remember why exactly.
17. I'm not allowed to refer to a certain period of time as "Shark Week".
18. When my wife says, "come to bed early" it means she cannot find the bedroom TV remote.
19. ....occasionally it doesn't.
20. Every day I see the energy, drive, kindness and love that my wife exudes,  I say silently, "take that stupid cancer".