What I Learned This Week - 11/22/13

1.  Some Belgian University professors conducted a test on the ten most borrowed books from their library and found traces of cocaine and herpes. I predict sani-wipe stations to start showing up in public libraries. Dear Belgian Professors, please don’t test Belgian chocolate.
2. The creator of the Fender guitar, Leo Fender, did not know how to play or tune the guitar.
3. There is such a thing as a jet-engine powered street luge. It has two engines with afterburners that produce 537 pounds of thrust – or enough power to hurl a 170lb Australian man more than 125 mph to break a street luge speed record. 
4. Yes, I just wanted to type and have people read aloud “jet-engine powered street luge”.
5. When a woman says, “What?” she’s giving you a chance to change what you said. When a man asks, “What?” it’s because he didn’t hear you.
6. There is a distinct sound of dread and horror that a bike GPS makes when it falls off your bike onto a roadway while you're doing twenty four miles an hour.
7. It takes approximately a half an hour to locate a bike GPS just off the shoulder of the road.
8. Moldable epoxy is my new best friend.
9. According to my oldest, friends are like balloons - they disappear if you stab them.
10. I’ve have many arguments over the years with energy engineers stating that most static solar panels face the wrong way. This week a research institute released a study on optimum solar panel placement in respect to peak load shaving and revealed I’ve been right. Cue my wife’s “told-you-so” dance.
11. You can open tin cans without a can-opener or cutting device (http://bit.ly/18BpuK0). 
12. I’m at that age where I Google people to see if they are alive or not.
13. According to Japanese scientists, Humans are bioluminescent, but the light emitted by the body is 1,000 times weaker than what our eyes can register.
14. My oldest daughter's friends know they've taken things too far and they are in deep doo-doo when she stops in the middle of an argument to put her hair in a ponytail.
15. Plowing snow in a bulldozer at 3:00 am in a crowded parking lot is not as fun as it sounds.
16. You know it's been a rough day when you plug a candy bar into your phone charger.
17. Sleeping at the office is a bad idea.