What I Learned This Week - 5/23/14

1.  All jokes are five times funnier when you can perform a perfect countdown to a person’s reaction, “3----2----1----Boom. Funny.”
2. Photoshopping coworker’s faces/bodies into precarious situations never gets old….or less funny.
3. All dogs go to heaven and cats go to "purrrrgatory".
4. It took 10,286 balloons to lift Carl Fredrickson’s house in the movie, “Up”.
5.  A blue whale's fart bubbles are large enough to envelope an entire horse. I'm fairly certain my youngest is part whale.
6. “Saved by the Bell” references are lost on my kids. I honestly am proud of that and a little ashamed I made one. In my defense it was about the nerd “Screetch”.
7. All Garmin workouts need to end on a whole number, even if it takes riding/running up and down the block several times to achieve it.
8. I thought there would be a lot more inventions in everyday life with names ending with the suffix "o-matic" by now. I’m now referring to my phone as the “talk-o-matic”.
9. I don’t know if I use an excessive amount of Rain-X on my windshield this time of year because I like not using windshield wipers during a torrential downpour or I like the patterns the raindrops make as they race across my windshield. I should probably focus more on the road.
10. Although the group of athletes in my triathlon club is very competitive, they never ask, “How did you do?” after race. It’s always, “Did you beat your goal?” I admire that attitude and respect.
11. The National Weather Service (NWS) tweeted a handy chart for referencing hail sizes in social media. FYI: “plain M&Ms” made the list for all hail approximately ½ inch in diameter. I can’t wait to report on hail or snacks now.
12. “Marbled-sized hail” is a description prohibited by the NWS.
13. I’m not sure which is more surprising; Lance Armstrong being stripped of his Knighthood in France or the fact that France has knights.
14. The Google new tab page should have an animated interface just like the Google Tips page.
15. Sometimes local bands are better than anything else.
16. I’m not the only one who, as a child, thought the phrase “bare naked” was referring to a cartoon character without his hat and tie.
17. Some headlines don’t require you to read the article - “Man High On Acid And Dressed Like An Elf Attacks Woman’s BMW With A Sword”…unless you want to know why he had a sword rather than a bow. Apparently he was dark elf instead of a woodland elf.
18. I’m fairly certain I don’t understand biology when I see, “Fried vegetable balls” on a menu.
19. You will never fully appreciate a song until you hear it played on tesla coils.