What I Learned This Week - 5/30/14

1.  My wife gets obscure “Big Bang Theory” jokes I make. You have no idea how happy that makes me.
2. No matter how mind-numbingly intelligent a man is, there is a woman somewhere behind him convinced he’s an idiot.
3. I don’t think I will ever get over the fear of public speaking. Picturing everyone naked only makes it worse.
4. “Speed Buggy” references are lost on my kids, especially the one that will have her driving permit in a week.
5. You know a joke is funny when you hear the dog’s wagging tail hitting the floor in another room.
6. Sometimes your day is not complete until you’ve to listened to Morgan Freeman after he’s taken a hit of helium (http://bit.ly/1tumdE0)
7. The Specialized cycling team conducted wind tunnel tests and proved that having a beard results in a negligible aero drag vs. a clean shaven face over a 40km time trial. This makes me and my beard happy.
8. If you shave a guinea pig it looks just like a teeny, tiny hippopotamus.
9. My family stops asking me questions when my only answer is in the form of interpretive dance.
10. Sometimes "ow" is sufficient.
11. It should be mandatory that all triathlons, duathlons, running races, etc make “fathead - big heads” cardboard cutouts of all participants older than 70 and hand them out to all the spectators. The finish line would be awesome.
12. According to my young lab, if you open your eyes – even just a tiny bit - it’s time to get up.
13. The new X-Men movie doesn’t answer the question everyone asks, “Why is Professor X alive?”