What I Learned This Week - 8/19/16

1.  482 days until Star Wars - Episode VIII is in theaters.
2. In 1983, the average life expectancy of a person with Down Syndrome was only 25 years old, today it is now 60 years old.
3. A “lethal dose” of anything could also be considered a “lifetime supply”.
4. My 5-year-old self would be very disappointed with the fact that his future includes people fighting over wall outlets to charge cigarettes and books.
5. I am glad the yawn is the only bodily function that is contagious.
6. According to my middle daughter, being called “short” is a sign people are just upset that there is not more of you.
7. I’m fairly certain the inventor of Twizzlers never tasted a strawberry.
8. If soap actually works, I’m not sure why we need touch free soap dispensers.
9. Apparently, the goal in life is to make as many people as sad as possible when you die.
10. According to my youngest, one can only ran through campgrounds – because it is past tents. #ISeeWhatSheDidThere
11. I agree that the last day of the Olympics should be all the gold medalists playing dodgeball until we have one ultimate champion.
12. “Pureed nut spread with a grape relish reduction paired with a brioche bun” is a very fancy way to say “peanut butter and jelly sandwhich”. “
13. “Photoshopping-Donald-Trumps-lips-onto-puffer-fish” is a thing.
14. I laugh too hard at the message that appears when I rename a Pokeman Go character to an infectious disease and then transfer it to the professor. #ScienceThat #YesImSure
15. “Temporary-tattoo-wireless-user-interfaces” are a thing. #NotXboxCompatible
16. Panda Express introduced a new eating utensil that is half Chopsticks and half fork and named it the, “chork”) - providing proof that evolution can actually go backwards.
17. According to a Facebook data analysis, dog owners have more friends and cat owners get invited to more parties because everyone uses Facebook as a calendar. #MostCatPeopleAreSingle
18. Astronomers have discovered an “object” beyond the planet Neptune that orbits the in the opposite direction Sun (and on an angle) of all other “objects”. #NamedNiku #AliensAreComing
19. Jupiter doesn’t technically orbit the Sun. #NoReallyLookItUp
20. Employees that submit their two-weeks-notice in the form of a “sorry for your loss” card don’t realize how much work I can pile on in two weeks.
21. It’s not illegal to tell a ghost story when a police officer shines a flashlight in your face….just not recommended.
22. If you text your boss that you can’t come in, followed by the poop emoji, there will be no follow up questions.
23. According to a coworker, all toys should be designed that when a child plays with them over a whispering level the toy would spontaneously combust.
24. According to a nurse at the Airport, it should be mandatory that all doctors should text their mothers with the opening statement, “Mom, don’t freak out, but I’m in the hospital”.