What I Learned This Week - 12/16/16

1.  363 days until Star Wars - Episode VIII is in theaters. 
2. If you interrupt a very boring meeting by unbuttoning your dress shirt to reveal a Superman t-shirt and exclaim, “Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s time to move to a different topic and become productive!”, you be asked to leave said meeting. #MissionAccomplished
3. Teens that greet me with the phrase, “You look like my real father” are not funny. #YesTheyAre
4. Potential employees that scratch out the word “applicant” on their application a re-wite, “appli-CAN” will have me giggling all day. #NotHired
5. If you own an orange and black striped cat and it is not named “Hobbes”, you’re just wasting everyone’s time.
6. My morning mug of coffee lies to me on how much I will accomplish each day. #StillMyFavoriteMug
7. Coworkers will scratch their heads then nod when you state, “this elevator is poorly designed, why does it have a button for the floor I’m currently on?”. #GoWithIt
8. The Army vs Navy football game is the only game where everyone playing is will to die for everyone watching. #OkAirForceToo
9. “Nacho-Supreme-French-Fries” are a thing.
10. My phone autocorrects, “I hate migraines” to “I hate migrants” and “I’m leaving now” to “I’m lesbian now”. #MyPhoneHatesMe
11. When texting my wife that “I’m on my way home”, the third M is very important and missing it will start an argument that I cannot win. #NotAHoe
12. When trying to make up with said wife with “I can’t wait to see your face” make sure “face” is not spelled “feces”. #CantWin #SleepingOnCouch
13. The song and the show never actually tell you how to get to Sesame Street. #GoogleMapLies
14. Approximately 480 children born in the USA this year where named “Harambe”. 
15. Fred from Scooby-Doo has no real catchphrase. #Zoinks #Jinkies #RuhRoh #Jeepers #LetsSplitUpGangIsNotACatchPhrase
16. No public bathroom “needs” a mirrored ceiling.
17. The Fox News network once tried to sue the creators of “The Simpsons” which airs on Fox. #LetThatSinkIn
18. According to my middle daughter, staying in bed is the new “going out”.