What I Learned This Week - 12/9/16

1.  370 days until Star Wars - Episode VIII is in theaters. 
2. “Cinnamon-roll-Peeps” are a thing.
3. My wife is amazed that I can guess her mid-game doodle of a hippopotamus. #TooShortForACow
4. I have no idea why my news feed contains headlines such as “Angry dog found wearing X-mas sweater and pants”, “man in bear suit arrested for tearing into tent of black Friday campers”, and “Beaver found Xmas shopping at 99 cent store”. #NotEvenMad
5. You know you’re teaching your kids properly when during a family game they are required to draw a picture of their dad and they draw a picture of a mailman.
6. Being an extra in a movie is almost as boring as waiting for a delayed flight when all the concessions have closed.
7. I don’t think my college-aged-self would have ever predicted that I would get excited for new sink sponges.
8. The food pyramid is not a food triangle, implying it has at least two other sides – so a bowl of Cap’n Crunch Cereal over ice cream right before bed could be perfectly fine. #Maybe
9. Cashiers should never ask how you’re doing when you place a lonely bottle of “Imodium AD” on the conveyor belt.
10. Most obnoxious, overzealous animal activists & vegans don’t know animal byproducts are used in car/bike tires, fabric softeners, and the glues in their lovely Ikea furniture – and it is even more fun to watch their face as they Google it.
11.  Spiders are not pack animals, but they should be.
12. A coworkers Xbox gamertag is older than most of the people he plays against online. #TheyKnowHisMomIntimately
13. According to my intern, “Harambe” is the most popular angel to adorn the top of college campus X-mas trees. #SadYetVeryFunny
14. Once you realize you don’t “need” a special occasion to buy a cake, they next phase of your life begins.
15. When your dentist states, “Please open up” - responding with, “Well, sometimes I get sad for no reason” will only make her scoot back in her chair and nervously request that you open your mouth.
16. A whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a new dimension to a rather tired practical joke. #LeavesAStain #BestSoundEver
17. The older I get the more I understand Michael Douglas’ character in the movie, “Falling Down”. #NeedABriefcase
18. I’m not the only person that restarts a song because they spaced out and wasn’t appreciating the song enough. #MissedTheSingALongPart
19. A “butt” is a traditional unit of measure of volume and a “buttload” is actually equivalent to 126 gallons (~477 liters). #ThatsABigButt
20. “Cleavsdropping” is the art of peeking at a woman’s cleavage without getting caught. #PeakABoob
21. My five-year-old self would never believe I would ever be genuinely excited to receive socks as a gift. #EspeciallyCrazyOnes