What I Learned This Week 1/9/26

1.  When you want to terrify a younger generation just whisper in their ear, “Hellmans and Skippy used to have magazine ads to use them together in sandwiches". #EwGwoss
2. I missed the memo that stated just because you like something, you have to be expert on all minutia of the thing you like. #ItsJustANiceRock
3. An assassin is just a serial killer that takes requests. #maybe
4. Apparently I’m not supposed to say aloud, “I don’t have a Dad bod, I have a father figure”, I’m only supposed to think it. #ItsCreepy
5. My kids are finally reaching the age where they understand the true importance of Urban Dictionary to understand the insults by people younger than them. #HaHa
6. I’m not sure if the statement, “you have main character walking speed” is a compliment or an insult. #Both
7. If you haven’t had holiday cookies or candy in at least twenty-four hours, you can count that as a cleanse. #HealthTips
8. The best conversation overheard at the grocery store went to two teens talking about a girl and interrupted by an older gentleman, “Dude, if she’s not the headlights to your deer, she’s not for you...”, the gentleman interjects with “ah that goes for 40 years of marriage too”. #Truth.
9. I am today years old when I learned that “weighted blankets” does not mean sharing the bed with the dogs. #NotReally
10. According to my wife, I’m not allowed to refer to getting rotisserie chicken at Costco as ,”picking up a hottie at the club”. #NotEvenTrue
11. When my staff complain that “work is just one thing after another”, I have to remind them that it’s not sequential and those things overlap, that’s why they are behind. #BestBossEver
12. Rock - paper - scissors becomes far more effective when you use the actual materials for the solution. #PaperOnlyWinsOnALegalTechnicality
13. Apparently, I’m not the only one that thought MTV stopped playing music videos years ago and was surprised by the announcement of the last music video played. #IMissRealMTV