What I Learned This Week - 11/24/23

1.  Presenting a corn dog cut into eight equal parts on a rectangular plate and garnishing it with dipping sauces of seasoned tomato puree and a ground spice aioli seems like it should be a kids version of sushi but it is not. #StillAteIt
2. Clam flavored candy canes are a thing that should not exist but do. #ClamdyCanes
3. Security guards will consider you a psycho when you state that the "no food or drinks beyond this point" sign doesn't apply to you because these are "emotional support food and drinks". #MoreDrinksThanFoodReally
4. Best response to a waitress asking how the customer liked their coffee this week goes to, "I'd like it strong enough to show up on a drug test". #NotFolgers
5. People who brag about living in an area with so much sun have never lived in a place that had so much sun there are seasonal road closures due to sun glare. #YesColoradoClosesHighways
6. I can make a humorous Venn diagram on nearly any set of data.#maybe
7. People despise playing Truth or Dare with me because they really don't want to know a truth about themselves or my darkest secret and my dare always results in them ordering me a pizza. #WorkingTheSystem
8. When a magician asks you to pick a card at random, naming their credit car isn't an option. #WhoKnew
9. It's an interesting paradigm to see all the people I used to cheat death with become such responsible parents and grandparents. #MissionAccomplished
10. The Friday after thanksgiving is typically the busiest day of the year for plumbers and affectionately known as "Brown Friday". #Eww
11. When you ask your youngest daughter to bring Kosher salt home from college in her luggage because the entire state you live in has been out of it for eight months, she will get stopped by TSA and have the salt inspected for potential nefarious activities. #TheMoreYouKnow
12. I was today-years-old when I learned if I press the HD symbol on the face of my car HD radio, several radio substations can be selected under that frequency.#ThoughtItWasJustBetterAudio
13. There are few joys greater than cooking with family. #AndAlmostFamily
14. Regardless of what they may say or think, my daughters are great cooks. #fact
15. The annual post-Thanksgiving meal tradition of putting mashed potatoes on each of the dogs' noses will never not be funny. #CrossEyed.
16. My daughters are now at that age where when you ask what each is thankful for they give you a meaningful answer. #StillComedic
17. Roku is on my naughty list from removing the app feature to cast anything from your phone to the TV. #Why
18. You don't realize you're making great memories until the event is over. #Maybe
    

What I Learned This Week - 11/17/23

1.  Apparently, taking me to a 1980's museum turns me into a tour guide of my youth. #Bitchin
2. 1980's movie props are completely lost on my kids. #ZoltarIWantToBeBig
   
3.  You can easily bite through your lip if you hear your oldest daughter and coworkers talk about how stinky their beaver is. #HeIsStinky
   
   
4. Stinky beaver poo water has no equivalent smell. #pungent 
5. My daughter's creative way to keep a turtle still enough to get an accurate weight to monitor health is equal parts genius, evil, and hilarious. #HighCenteredOnPipe
   
6. A 20-pound snapping turtle walking freely around an office is not as terrifying as it sounds. #SheHadAGimpyLeg
7. Portable snack packages of juicy meal worms are a thing and not found in the bait section of the store. #ForBirds
   
8. You can use a leaf blower to blow large puddles out of your way, so your feet don't get wet. #ProTip
9. I need to know my audience better, because a coworker that received news he's going to be a father asked me who my role model father was and I jokingly replied, "Spike from Tom and Jerry cartoons", and 20 minutes later I saw him at his desk watching YouTube videos of "Spike and Tyke compilations". #UmAhUm
10. The best description of eating a Flintstone vitamin in the 1980's this week goes to, "..it tasted like a mixture of dry Kool-Aid mix, chalk, and aquarium gravel". #MoreTureThanFunny
11. According to my legal advisors, naming my daily todo list, "Work Premeditations" doesn't help them in court. #Maybe
12. When I have creative thoughts about if it's empowering in bed to date a billionaire, I'm not supposed to say them out loud, especially to my wife. #SorryHoney
13. It's that time of year where every day I'm faced with the important decision on whether I want buns of steel or hot, gooey, buns of cinnamon. #Temptation
14. Everyone agrees that warm underwear from the dryer is one of the best simple pleasures, but no one will admit they stood naked in front of the dryer waiting for their underwear. #ExceptMe
15. My new favorite subreddit is r/ididnthaveeggs that documents the people admitting they didn't follow the recipe and posting negative comments. #PecanlessPie
16. I'm certain that if I were Jim Henson, I'd have at least one story about using Kermit as an emergency oven mitt. #JustSayin
17. I enjoy music joke moments like a recent event where a coworker received an award and a shy coworker just yelled "WHOOP", which immediately silenced the group and the shy coworker softly replied to the silence, "there it is". #I-lolled
18. It dawned on me recently that I'm now at that age where I can't imagine a more painful and humiliating experience than falling in the shower. #maybe
19.  Apparently Google removed the "I'm feeling lucky" button on the their search page due to claims of insensitivity towards people with a gambling addiction. #NotEvenFact
20. I'm not allowed to refer to lunch or dinner reservations at the Italian restaurant as "my spaghetti appointment". #OrCanoliAppt