What I Learned This Week - 2/6/26

1.  A Labrador Retriever sliding down a snowy hill is known as a “labalanche”. #maybe
2. In hindsight, the cultural annual obsession with ground dwelling varmint weather predictions regardless of scientific accuracy should have been the first sign the US was in decline. #WinterHasntEvenStartedInCO
3. The average temperature in Denver, Colorado the last week in January this year was 5 degrees higher than Tampa, Florida. #NoSnow
4. I can’t swipe a security access card without saying or thinking, “Multipass”. #5thElement
5. If you put all 24-bags of “Nighty-Night” tea into your water-filled teacup and drink it, you will not sleep for 24 hours or days. #Maybe24Minutes
6. Hating capitalism does not mean typing only in lowercase letters. #CoworkerJokes
7. I've never met a single person named, “Sigourney”. #OneNameToRuleThemAll
8. I’m not the only one that gets infuriated with the final line of dust that refuses to be swept into the dustpan. #RageDusting
9. If you misspell a search as “gander reveal party” you get to see all kinds of videos named "surprise geese”. #Honk!

What I Learned This Week - 1/30/26

1. The existence of Scooby-Doo implies the existence of Scooby-Don’t.#Maybe
2. If you ever make coupons for random intimate acts for a potential partner, make sure to add an expiration date because an ex showing up at your house to cash in a foot rub coupon puts you in a really bad position. #WifeWantsOneToo
3. I think I’ve reached the age where I have ROMO - Relief From Missing Out. #WhewNoDinnerPlans
4. Whether they know it or not, everyone has a “waffle” or “pancake” preference for hand-holding with special people. #WaffleFTW
5. The best comment heard in line at the grocery store line this week goes to a woman talking to her exasperated partner, “Why would I finish a thought when I have a new, much more exciting one”. #AtLeastShesHonest
6. Apparently, “the fridge making ice” is the scariest sound one can hear when how alone watching intense, scary movies. #NotForMe
7. Barilla pasta has a spotify playlist with songs named after their pasta shapes that are the exact duration as the time it takes to cook that pasta. #Genious

What I Learned This Week - 1/23/26

1.  I don’t know why “Mac-N-cheese-flavored-jelly” needs to exist. #GaggingNoises
2. No one can stop you from using three Hawaiian rolls instead of a hot dog bun. #StillDelish
3. If you walk into a bar restroom and the stall door is made of cardboard, you can be sure that a fight is about to break out any second. #IHidBehindTheBar
4. Google can’t answer the conundrum, “if someone dies using items from your first aid kit, do you need to rename it your last aid kit”? #DeepThoughts
5. I don’t understand why the Flintstone’s vehicles weren’t powered by some tiny dinosaur like all their kitchen appliances, and if they had to run to operate their vehicle why they didn’t just run without it. #DontRewatchOldCartoons
6. I don’t think I’ve heard of a single case of “Spontaneous Human Combustion” since I was ten. #WhatHappened
7. The existence of the words boyfriend/girlfriend implies the existence of the words boyfoe/girlfoe and I think it is time to normalize this. #maybe
8. Best t-shirt this week goes to a woman with very large boobs and wearing a face mask whose t-shirt read, “Most problematic maiden at the joust”. #NotForMe
9. If a family member asks what you’re watching and you reply, “a film about the misconceptions of ownership and land rights of wetlands under an absolute monarchy”, you’ll get to watch Shrek in peace by yourself. #Maybe
10. No one has been able to give me a reasonable answer to why the term, “non-binary”, has a masculine and feminine form in other languages. #BrainHurts
11. I honestly don’t know how Social Studies teachers right now are supposed to teach about the three co-equal branches of the government and what their functions are. #ChecksAndBalances
12. I have a hard time explaining to my eight-year-old self that at some point in time he’d be confronted with the conundrum, “Is that AI generated or is it cake?”. #NothingIsReal
13. I don't understand why baking shows don't start with 13 contestants. #BakersDozen
14. Anyone can call themselves an olympic hopeful, there's no formal paperwork for hope. #CueTrumpets
15. When you misspell “hemoglobin”, your blood becomes infected with science fantasy creatures with +2 hit points. #HemoGoblins
16. There are people that mix their peanut butter and jelly together then put it on bread to make a PB&J. #ActualGoblin
17. In 1975 the Pillsbury company introduced “weiner wraps” which were pre-cut dough for hotdogs and were discontinued in the US in 1979 due to their “suggestive and provocative” name. #TimesHaveChanged

What I Learned This Week - 1/16/26

1. I have no idea what kind of joke-hand-signs bunnies do to one another behind their heads when taking group photos. #AntlerEars
2. When solicitors leave unwanted business cards, I will leave that business card on a random car in the grocery store parking lot with the word, “Sorry” written on it. #MissonAccomplished
3. The free refill cups at the local gas station only apply to fountain beverages and not gas. #FinePrint
4. Having an image of your significant other on your lockscreen is the twenty-first-century equivalent of wearing a locket with their photo in it.#maybe
5. There are few things creepier than listening to a parrot sing, “let the bodies hit the floor”. #Flooooor
6. My dogs all move to different places in the house when the washing machine hits the scary cycle. #SpinMeRightRound
7. If a blind person reads a braille sign that states, “Do Not Touch”, I’m not sure if they are violating the sign's warning. #maybe
8. New traumatic t-shirt of the week goes to a young lady in the grocery store wearing a shirt that read, “Death is the only thing that fights to have you and ultimately wins”. #BackAwayFromGothGirl
9. I think the only reason Buckee’s sells massive jars of pickled eggs is to make college road trips more interesting. #GaggingNoises
10. Crabs would be far more terrifying if they were venomous. #Maybe
11.  If you’re feeling a little down, just call (707) 873-7862 and get a pre-recorded pep talk from a California Elementary School student. #AlwaysPress3 #PepTocHotline
12. I’m shocked that there are enough people in my area that have influenced the order option of “extra crust” at my local pizza establishment. #ItsNotThatGreat
13. Apparently the complete phrase is, “Curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back”. #Wuwhat
14. “Jack of all trades and master of none” is only completely quoted when adding, “but better than a master of one”. #SuperDiss

What I Learned This Week 1/9/26

1.  When you want to terrify a younger generation just whisper in their ear, “Hellmans and Skippy used to have magazine ads to use them together in sandwiches". #EwGwoss
2. I missed the memo that stated just because you like something, you have to be expert on all minutia of the thing you like. #ItsJustANiceRock
3. An assassin is just a serial killer that takes requests. #maybe
4. Apparently I’m not supposed to say aloud, “I don’t have a Dad bod, I have a father figure”, I’m only supposed to think it. #ItsCreepy
5. My kids are finally reaching the age where they understand the true importance of Urban Dictionary to understand the insults by people younger than them. #HaHa
6. I’m not sure if the statement, “you have main character walking speed” is a compliment or an insult. #Both
7. If you haven’t had holiday cookies or candy in at least twenty-four hours, you can count that as a cleanse. #HealthTips
8. The best conversation overheard at the grocery store went to two teens talking about a girl and interrupted by an older gentleman, “Dude, if she’s not the headlights to your deer, she’s not for you...”, the gentleman interjects with “ah that goes for 40 years of marriage too”. #Truth.
9. I am today years old when I learned that “weighted blankets” does not mean sharing the bed with the dogs. #NotReally
10. According to my wife, I’m not allowed to refer to getting rotisserie chicken at Costco as ,”picking up a hottie at the club”. #NotEvenTrue
11. When my staff complain that “work is just one thing after another”, I have to remind them that it’s not sequential and those things overlap, that’s why they are behind. #BestBossEver
12. Rock - paper - scissors becomes far more effective when you use the actual materials for the solution. #PaperOnlyWinsOnALegalTechnicality
13. Apparently, I’m not the only one that thought MTV stopped playing music videos years ago and was surprised by the announcement of the last music video played. #IMissRealMTV

What I Learned This Week - 1/2/26

1.  There should be a law for manufacturers of power cord transformer plugs requiring them to be designed so that they do not block any other power outlet on the wall or power strip. #GetOnIt
2. My new favorite internet rabbit hole is viewing photos of squirrels taken on extremely windy days. #BestFacesEver 
3. Owls cannot sit criss-cross-applesauce style even though the interwebz believes they can. #YesItsWeird
4. Even though nearly everyone has read the beloved children’s book, “Frog and Toad”, no one seems to remember their teachings of how to be friends and just remembers that Toad was grumpy. #OrGay
5. Apparently, it’s not common knowledge that saying, "watch out for deer” is just another phrase for, “I love you”. #OrHateRisingInsurancePremiums
6. The word, “nun” is just the letter “n” doing a somersault. #maybe
7. There is a special level of self control required to work at a bubble wrap factory. #DidntGetTheJob
8. To this day I still don't know if the Grinch is his name, occupation, or ethnicity. #Seriously
9. The word for appreciating all types of music is, “polyjammerous”. #Maybe
10. Tripping over your wife's bra in the morning counts as falling into a booby trap. #Bra1Lee0
11. Apparently, when a ghost screams, “BOO!”, they are speaking the Latin word for “ALARM”, which makes sense since Latin is a dead language. #TheMoreYouKnow
12. According to the person in front of me in the grocery checkout line talking to their college student, “Stop! English is what happened when Vikings learned Latin and used it to shout at Germans and then the French shouted back. Don’t make it hard”. #SheHasAPoint
13. I often wonder how long it take the Brrrrista’s at Dairy Queen to unlearn the, “turn the drink upside down to show you the Blizzard is mixed properly” with any beverage. #Oopsie
14. I am completely on board with my friends quest to eliminate the term “billionaire” from our vocabulary and replace it with “Modern day Robber Barrons”. #SameConcept
15. Eating oatmeal mixed with oat milk is redundant. #OatPower
16. Another year passes and my hopes to see teleportation in my lifetime still haven’t dwindled. #MaybeALittle
17. It’s only been a day and I’ve already heard, “Maybe 2027 will be my year”. #ShhhItsOkay
18. Although technically correct, I’m not allowed to refer to eye drops as “blinker fluid”. #ItWorksBetter

What I Learned This Week - 12/19/25

1.  As an engineer I can confirm that 72 degrees with the heat on and 72 degrees with the air conditioning on are two completely different temperatures. #FeelsLike
2. One of my kids asked me why I never became the guy that creates stains for detergent testing and now I'm questioning my career trajectory. #Messy
3. It’s hard to explain to people not my age that Nestle’s Quik powder from the can hit differently. #TrustTheProcess
4. When someone texts me with “AF” after a word, I read it as “as foretold” for some interwebz reason and giggle to myself. #NowYouCan
5. No matter what my wife says, running errands counts as going out. #Maybe
6. According to a coworker, “Moon Boots” were the “Ugg Boots” of the 1980’s. #ShesNotWrong
7. A section of any human bone can just die while the rest of the bone remains intact. #Painful
8. You can go down a long mythological rabbit hole if you ask Google the question., “can a person turn into both a ghost and zombie?”. #SignsPointToYes

What I Learned This Week - 12/5/25

1. The best safe word one can use is “Meatloaf”, because it essentially means, “I would do anything for love, but I won’t do THAT”. #Maybe
2. You know you’ve put off buying groceries long enough after the post-Thanksgiving leftover mass when you decide to make french toast out of hot dog buns. #Works
3. As time goes on, I think I’m starting to aspire to be that grandparent from fairytales that my grandkids won’t be able to differentiate from a wolf in a nightgown.#Ewww
4. I don’t know why the word “coward” doesn’t mean, “moving in the direction of the cow” and I’m not sure how we get this changed. #English
5. One of the few things that brings me joy in this holiday season is knowing there is a possibility an alternate universe exists where Mariah Carey is shopping and loathes hearing me sing holiday tunes everywhere she goes. #Vengeance
6. Tragically, a coworker’s Tesla was stolen over the holiday and I couldn’t keep a straight face when one of his staff asked if he had to call it his Edison now. #Brilliant
7. I'm pretty sure I missed a memo that allows adults to wear pajamas shopping this time of year. #NightgownsReally
8. The “I-I-I-I” sample from the 1990’s Dee-Lite song, “Groove is in the heart” is actually Zsa Zsa Gabor singing the theme from the 1966 TV show, “Green Acres”. #WhoKnew
9. When a new parent tells you they named their newborn daughter after their grandmother, you are not supposed to say aloud, “you named her Grandma?”. #OnlyThinkIt
10. I don’t know why, after over a hundred years of manufacturing and design upgrades, automotive engineers haven’t figured out a way to seal the gap between the seat and center console so you don’t have to spend an hour trying to fish out your dropped phone or keys. #EasyRubberSeal
11. Some days I relate closely to a coworker's end of day statement, “my social battery is a refurbished rechargeable AA from the Dollar Store that may be on its last charge”. #HesOkay
12. Best t-shirt observed in the airport this week that I don’t relate to at all read, “My stomach is FLAT……..the L is silent”. #RightInTheFeels
13. If you rename your “To-Do” list to “Side Quests” you actually accomplish a lot more that’s not on the list. #Maybe
14. I wish Google maps had a feature that would hide places you haven’t explored yet much akin to video game maps. #HaventBeenThere
15. I read too long of an internet thread about someone’s desire for capital numbers so that they could yell at someone in math and after an hour I would like to yell in math. #DamnYouPythagarus

What I Learned This Week - 11/28/25

1.  There is hope for the world because a McDonald's and Dairy Queen in Marshfield, MO had a sign war that resulted in the majority of Marshfield’s businesses using their signs to make insulting puns about each other. #ImNotCrying
2. It says nothing about the amount of cold medicine you’re currently taking if you accidentally open a bottle of screw top wine with a corkscrew wine opener. #HarderThanYouThink
3. I have no idea how, in the current political, technological, and social environment, to stay informed without going completely insane. #WTFJustHappened
4. I’m not the only one that goes through the emotional rollercoaster this time of year for the annual free week of Sirius FM consisting of “Oh Yes, this will be awesome for new music!” to “Who actually still pays for this” in the matter of an hour. #Seriously
5. The modern day definition of “work friends” is emotional support humans that keep you from quitting your job daily. #maybe
6. If you answer the phone, “make it quick, my phone is about to die” you get to cut off people when you feel like it without regrets. #ProTip
7. “Mayonnaise” is a controversial ice cream flavor. #NotIceCream
8. Interweb phishers are abusing the fact that “rn” will usually be confused with “m”. #CheckYourEmailAddresses
9. I believe that it is a true statement that Colorado’s cost of living is so high, the snow had to relocate. #SecondLatestAndCounting
10. There’s a fine line between weird AI music and Weird Al music. #PrettyFlyForARabbi

What I Learned This Week - 11/21/25

1.  The older I get I realize there are only two types of people in this world: (A) “It's already 9pm” and (ii) “It’s only 9pm”. #SoTired
2. I’m the only one that thinks it should be law to mimic, “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly” infamous whistle and harmonica sounds when a tumbleweed rolls in front of you. #FeelingLuckyPunk
3. If Microsoft really wanted to improve their interface they would remove the “Reply All” button from Outlook and bury it in a menu somewhere. #Bitter
4. I don’t know when everyone decided it is perfectly okay to use speakerphone in any public setting. #WTAF
5. I now join in on strangers' conversations held on speaker and when they ask me to stop I reply with, “social convention dictates that taking a call on speaker is for group conversations”. #LoveTheBlankStare
6. Apparently I’m the only one that doesn’t need alcohol to send texts they regret. #Oopsie
7. I don’t know where the efficiency gap is in artificial intelligence that requires ten cities worth of energy to be powered when actual intelligence is powered by whisky and soft pretzels. #Maybe
8. There is actually a flight school named “Icarus Flying Academy” and I’m positive there’s an insurance loophole there. #GoogleIt
9. There’s a new motivational device that refutes “chase your dreams” and is called “hunter’s philosophy”, in which you follow your dreams at a sustainable pace until your dreams finally get tired and lie down so you go in for the kill. #Maybe
10. The best part of having a grocery shopping to do list is remembering all the things I forgot to buy on my way home from grocery shopping that I forgot to add to the list. #Memories
11. I don’t know why the nutritional label “serving size” isn’t an actual portion size or standard for each type of food. #Helpv #HowManyCookies
12. If you die and you come back to life as a Yosemite Sam, it is known as “reintarnation”. #maybe
13. I’m not the only that struggles with finding the line between, “just one more slice of pizza” and “I’m certain my stomach is going to explode”. #StillWantMore
14. I have found several easter eggs in my local hospital and my favorite two are that mammograms/women’s specialists are in room 800B and a proctologist is in room A55. #YesImTen
15. I observed a man at the airport casually drinking a bottle of ketchup and I’m almost certain it wasn’t a prank but also think this could actually be a Tik-Tok challenge.. #Almost
16. I had no idea the phrases were actually spelled, “that PIQUED my interest” and “not FAZED by that”. #SorryNotSorry
17. It has snowed more days in Hawaii this fall than it has in Colorado. #SkiingSucks
18. Best t-shirt observed this week that made me feel a little attacked was by a woman in the grocery store who wore t-shirt that read, “It’s weird being the same age as old people”. #MoreTrueThanFunny

What I Learned This Week - 11/14/25

1.  I’m fairly certain no man has ever said, “Man that woman would be hot if her eyelashes were longer”. #ButterflyWings
2. There’s a particular blank stare non-gen-x-ers will give you if you sing “Shooting at the walls of heartache” and wait for them to make finger guns and sing back the next line. #BangBang 
3. Charlie Chaplin entered a look-alike contest and lost. #Wasn’tBlackAndWhite
4. From the time it was discovered to the time it was denounced as a planet, Pluto never completed one trip around the sun. #Woah
5. The Ottoman Empire still existed when the Nintendo company was created. #WTF
6. The Nintendo company originally started in 1889 and manufactured playing cards. #TheMoreYouKnow
7. In 1932 there was a “war” between emus and the Australian Army and the emus eventually won. #GoBirds
8. More people are killed each year by vending machines than by sharks. #TheyAreStealthy
9. A moose can dive underwater down to nearly twenty feet in search of food. #NoScubaGear
10. There are signs in Florida that read “Do not feed or molest the alligators” and a part of me really wants to know the origin story of the sign. #Obvious
11. Soy milk is not created by adding soy sauce to milk and tastes as bad as you’d expect. #maybe
12. According to a coworker, the black jelly bean tastes like corn syrup, Jägermeister, eye shadow, and Cure songs and I really don’t have an argument for that. #TheBestBean

What I Learned This Week - 11/7/25

1.  I don’t know why the gender identity of Dr Pepper has become socially important and I now question what type of glass one should pour it into. #JustDont
2. Until the 1930’s, golf irons were not numbered and had names that sounded like scottish slurs. #Niblicks #Jibbers #LookItUp
3. No matter how much I prep and train my dogs, they will never understand daylight saving time. #TheCatDoesntCare
4. The best part of daylight saving time is the extra hour each night I have to get up and pee. #OldGuyIsms
5. I missed the memo that all Thanksgiving themed decorations and household items are only sold in September and are now limited to clearance items if available at all. #WTF
6. Apparently, the eternal pursuit of wisdom is now known as “doomscrolling”. #maybe
7. I like the concept that Australians are just British Texans. #Kinda
8. According to a coworker, the existence of “penis envy” indicates there are six other deadly penis sins. #ICanNameThree
9. The older I get, the more I believe that the melted cheese-pull is more obnoxious than it is an indicator of tasty-cheesy-goodiness. #DontNeedThreeFeetOfCheese #ExceptMozzarellaSticks
10. I don’t know why stores have so many checkout lanes when only one quarter of them are ever used and it seems like they could use that space to move more things that I can’t find. #Seriously
11. Cats wearing small cowboy hats say, “meowdy”. #maybe
12. I don’t know why THC edibles are only small candy items and not major food items like hot dogs and hamburgers to get ahead of the munchies. #maybe
13. Ohio State University scientists turned shitake mushrooms into functional living computers and I have so many questions on how many different mushrooms they ate to start this journey.  #Dude
14. Apparently “emergency chicken sandwich” is a labeled thing as the item was handed to to me by a coworker that saw that I was stranded in my office on a conference call for 5 hours. #TurnedCameraOffToLaugh #SuperTasty
15. It never occurred to me that the 1962 song, “Monster Mash” was about sex and not dancing. #eww
16. I had to explain to a coworker that the initialisms WTF, FTW, and TFW were not rearranged versions of WTF and actually different phrases…and he’s 29. #IReadThemTheSameWay
17. The existence of the ice cream sandwich indicates there should be the existence of an ice cream hoagie/hero/sub. #GoogleIsSilient
18. I don’t know why the Range Rover, in front of me in stopped traffic, had a retractable roof top mounted landing pad with a surveillance drone that he launched and landed but now I want one. #OrTwo #DJIFTW
19. Expired Halloween candy is always better than fresh kale. #SorryKale

What I Learned This Week - 10/31/25

1.  A woman at the store referred to Slim Jims as jerky pencils and this causes me more pause than it probably should.#CanIWriteWithASlimJim
2. My friend's favorite part of fall is when the mosquitos go back to hell. #MeToo
3. Some people’s entire personalities stem from the fact that they believed the more books they read, the more free pizza they would get. #Understandable
4. Men will never understand why when women show up to a party wearing the same outfit as another woman, you’re not immediately best friends and don’t bother explaining it to us. #Seriously
5. I spend too much time revisiting what happened, that the two “O”s in the word “COOPERATE” are pronounced individually and don’t work together more than I should. #EnglishIsDumb
6. Calling out staff members in a meeting that they get along like the two “O”s in “cooperate” will only lead to more meetings. #Maybe
7. I believe a lot of adult "blasé" nature stems from the fact at a young age we all bought into the concept that three bears made porridge and the only problem with the porridge was temperature. #NeverTaste
8. A coworker refers to cupcake liners as “panties” and will insist on telling you this as he removes the liner from the cupcake with his teeth. #OhTheHorror
9. Fun fact, you can eat spaghetti with a straw. #DontAskWhy
10. When the grocery store clerk asks if you found everything ok and you reply, “yeah, surprisingly inner peace is on aisle 18”, I will pee my pants when the clerk responds without missing a beat, “well, ice cream has that effect on people”. #Genius
11. Apparently it’s no longer proper to use the word “mansplaining” and better to use the new medical term, “correctile dysfunction”. #maybe
12. I was indifferent about lollipops for 56 years until a coworker handed one to a visiting child with the description, “want to flavor your spit, drink it and then chew gum off a stick?”. #NowAntiLolli
13. I’m not the only one that dreads watching my favorite shirt slowly become my “house shirt”. #OhSoMany
14. My current test for determining which generation they are from is “why would you put tape on one corner of a cassette tape?”. #GenXThings
15. I find it funnier than I should that Erwin Schrödinger had an open casket funeral to avoid another thought experiment. #TheCatIsDeadAlive
16. It’s a portrait of society that Halloween has developed into two major costume choices: (A) sexy things that should never be sexy and (4) horrific things that should never see the light of day. #BringBackBoxCostumes
17. “Spam Cookies” are a thing. #WaWhat #PatriotKenny
18. I’m not allowed to refer to my daughters that knit and crochet as being “fiber-punk”. #ButIDo

What I Learned This Week - 10/24/25

1.  It’s fun to randomly visit my kids and drop pregnancy tests into their bathrooms to cause drama and remind them I’d always find a way to make them understand parenting. #DadThings
2. If you listen to Billy Joel's song, "Piano Man" with the context that the piano man is actually unknowingly playing in a gay bar and all the staff are waiting to see how long it takes him to figure it out, you will absolutely lose it when he sings, "man what are you doing here". #CantUnhearIt
3. I don’t know why “treat puzzles” are limited to dogs and cats and I’m sure there’s a much larger market targeting husbands. #maybe #MeLikeTreatsAndPuzzles
4. Best t-shirt observed in the airport this week celebrating spoopy season read, “If you’re trying to scare me, I am terrified of boobs”. #HeScreamedWhenILiftedMyShirt
5. Apparently I’m the only one who has adopted the amusing Thoughts of Dog pronunciation of “spooky” as “spoopy”. #NeverGoingToStop
6. I really want to know the context of the conversation that was being held as I entered the elevator ending with, “..if a junk drawer was a person it would be him”.  #ThereWasNoLaughter #HopeItWasntMe
7. I’m not the only one that asks a question that turns into a meeting with seven other departments. #NotFeelingBetterAboutIt #StillNotAnswered
8. Some people don’t know that when I get too busy in life I either forget or don’t have time to post these minor factoids. #Sorry
9. When you volunteer rehabilitating wildlife you learn that each organization has a patient that is adored for being special for some reason or another and ours is “stupid turkey”. #OMGCrickets
10. No matter what anyone says, you cannot get dried rat gut stains out of a t-shirt. #ItsAPaintingShirtNow
11. I don’t know what occurred in my life that caused waking up feeling well rested feels like a bad omen. #ImSupposedToBeTiredWhatNow
12. I’m not the only one that experiences a dream so real that it takes an entire day to recover from it. #PrettySureItsTheMatrix
13. I’m hoping this is the year that grocery stores and gas stations get in on the Black Friday craze. #NotLikely
14. According to a coworker, the worst part about getting into a fender-bender is getting out of the car and having to meet a new person. #FeelHisPain
15. Every time I lay down, I can’t believe I ever considered going to bed as punishment. #NotJustMe
16. Things I never thought I’d ask and get a positive response to from my wife, “want to go for a five minute ride to see if we can see a comet for less than a minute?” #WorthEverySecond
17. According to a recent study from Harvard, eating while watching TV or scrolling your phone comes from the medieval era of dinner entertainment. #JustMadeThatUp #NotEvenTrue
18. I don't know if Medusa's leg hairs were tiny snakes and this consumes more of my brain than it should. #OrWorms
19. There are few feelings better than helping someone catch their first fish on a flyrod. #GoDumpTruck
20. You don’t realize just how important your dominant hand is until you go to the restroom and can’t use it. #OMGSoHard

What I Learned This Week - 9/19/25

1.  Kids today find out about school snow closures via e-mail/text, they will never understand the anxiety of getting up at 5am to watch the bottom of the TV like the NYSE. #Victory
2. My friend refers to his spouse as his candle because she is hot, brings light to his world, and if ignored will burn his house down. #maybe
3. My wife believes, no matter how true, I'm not allowed to refer to a wake as a “going away party”. #LessMorbid
4. I may be the last generation that can remember the distinct sound the glass doors made on the stereo cabinet. #TheSoundOfGoodThingsAboutToHappen
5. For future texting reference, referring to something that is over-the-top elegant, the word is spelled, “B-O-U-J-E-E”. #VoiceToTextNightmare
6. Three-beer-Lee finds a teeny-tiny TV mounted to the side of an RV displaying the Denver Bronco game, far more entertaining that he should. #StupidLatePenalty
7. Operation manuals that come with new technology rarely demonstrate to the reader how to actually operate the thing you just purchased, but a different version of the thing you just purchased. #SoManyFeatures
8. Having space granting one the ability to turn around 360 degrees in a shower is actually a luxury you didn’t realize you had until you are in a position you don’t have it. #NotGoodAtYoga
9. It’s amazing that I live in a time when someone asks me if I’m ready for the fall, I have to think hard for a moment to determine if they meant “autumn” or “the fall of society”. #maybe
10. I think “the best thing since sliced bread” needs an upgrade to modern times, from now on I'm using “the best thing since skip intro”. #GameChanger
11. My wife has decided we need to role play more and her favorite scenario is “sexy librarian” where she gets to read and tells me to shut up. #NotEvenTrue

What I Learned This Week - 9/12/25

1.  I can't imagine how terrifying the world would be right now if social media existed in the peak time of Freddy Mercury, Hunter S Thompson, Madonna, and the like. #Doooood
2. Some people tell me I'm the smartest man they know and I have to remind them that I always have to touch a cactus to see if it is pokey - every single time I see one…Every.Time. #AlwaysSayOw #NotSmart
3. I like the analogy that I receive compliments the same way a vending machine receives an old, torn, wrinkly dollar. #StressfulForAll
4. The more cat owners I meet the more I find truth in the fact that female cats are named after ancient goddesses and male cats are named after things at a fast food restaurant. #BendyStraw
5. The new, single-guy trend of throwing random hair ties into newly married guys' vehicles is evil and hilarious. #LessEffectiveWithDaughters
6. I was today-years-old when I learned of the existence of a saltwater clam (ctenoides ales) that uses bioluminescence, to attract food and ward off predators, and is aptly nicknamed the, “disco clam”. #SoManyJokes
7. Coworkers that have never had wasabi, should not ask me how much wasabi to use because it’s unnatural. #TheyCanNowSmellTheFuture 
8. I’m surprised that I’m not in the minority that believes doing all important/major things on the phone is crazy (booking flights, ordering technology, etc) and they should be performed on a desktop computer or laptop. #ScreenSizeEqualsSecurity
9. According to a coworker, the best advice I ever gave him was, “don’t ever tell a single person you have the day off unless you want to be with them”. #truth
10. I don’t know if, “losing my gaming skills” is something to be happy or sad about. #AskingForAFriend
11. My cooking feeds are now largely populated with ASMR cooking videos and I have no idea what I searched for to make this a priority. #ListenToTheSizzle #SoCreepy
12. There is one hairstyle that is “popular” in every nation, regardless of cultural influences and it is called, “being bald”. #maybe
13. It’s a sad state of affairs when no one gets my Tanya Harding or Jeff Gillooly references. #RightInTheGillooly
14. There’s a fine line between Skyrim jokes and Nancy Kerrigan jokes. #TookOneToTheKnee
15. A modern day viking taught me that camels produce more water from the fat that’s stored in their humps than the physical volume of the actual hump. #ScienceIt
16. My top ten callers to my cell phone this week are all named “Scam Likely” and call me multiple times daily. #ThoughtYouMadeTheListDidntYou
17. I will never tire of misheard song lyrics or alternate lyrics to songs people make up. #ChickenMan
18. The extinct fish, Sacabambaspis, is the origin story of most childhood illustrations and fish memes. #Maybe
19. I have never read, “former gifted student” on a single resume.#fact
20. Google is silent in confirming that Hercules' act of kidnapping Cerebus was the first triple-dog-dare. #ActuallyComesFromAMovieQuote
21. If Pharmacists aren’t evil then I can’t explain why they always put the diarrhea medicine on the bottom shelf at the pharmacy. #ArmyOfEvil

What I Learned This Week - 9/05/25

1. In case you’re wondering, no, no photo of myself has ever been taken as a “thirst trap”, and if you think it was, I’m sorry to inform you that you are likely overdue for an eye exam. #fact,
2. You know you're from Colorado when your daughter sends you a photo of black bears immediately outside her classroom and your first thought is, “bears don't play four square”. #EveryoneIsFine
3. I've reached that milestone in life where I have to turn down the car radio to see better. #Illogical
4. A surprising number of people that I work with that have used computers for over 25 years had no idea ctrl+Backspace deletes the prior word, not just a letter. #DontBeThatGuy #Ctrl+DeleteDoesNextWord
5. Although typing an angry email using only using your middle finger isn't efficient, it is therapeutic. #TypedThisWithMyPinky
6. According to my youngest, tying flies is an old-people-hobby, just like woodworking. #ouch
7. Best comment heard at a restaurant with a couple arguing, “if you feel a sudden calm, that's because I accidentally left your voodoo doll at Starbucks this morning”. #scary
8. I'm not proud of the person I become when I have you enter my username and password using a TV remote. #ThereHasToBeABetterWay
9. Apparently, my understanding of one being “self-partnered” should only be stated aloud in dive biker bars. #DidNotKnowItMeantSingle
10. When women get upset with the sexual exploitation in Star Wars of Princess Leia in the infamous prisoner scene, pointing out that C3PO basically wore a crop-top exposing his bare droid mid section throughout the entire franchise and no one batted an eye only gets me in more trouble. #StillTrue
11. I’m not the only person that refuses to change the home wi-fi password because it will take over a week to enter the password into all the apps and devices that are on my network. #IMightHaveAProblem
12. The ice-breaker question of “name your favorite food that begins with ‘TH’” only results in arguments. #HerbsAndNumbersAndCountriesArentFood 
13. I’m fairly certain the new trend of “hamstering” was the result of a bar bet gone terribly wrong. #NoDoNotGoogleIt

What I Learned This Week - 8/29/2025

1.  An interstellar comet, 31/Atlas, which will do a flyby of Earth on December 19, 2025, has recently been identified as potentially nuclear powered by Harvard scientists - which is exactly how most alien invasion horror movies start. #JustSayin
2. I have developed the ability to immediately forget the password I just created because I could no longer use my old password and I don’t know how to unlearn this. #ResetPasswordAgain
3. Apparently, some people don’t have wolves inside them battling for psychological dominance, they have a single orange cat with a roll of tape and now that you know this, you now magically understand at least three of your friends. #maybe
4. After two years of the struggle, I still don’t understand why I can no longer use a plastic bag to carry around all my plastic wrapped groceries but have to use a "reusable" plastic bag instead or pay extra for a paper bag that was once free. #Economics
5. I don’t know what happens in a man’s life that triggers the overwhelming desire to wear the newsboy cap (aka the peaky blinders hat) and I fear I’m nearing that point. #KindaNeat #GaspTheyHaveTruckerVersions
6. There is some truth to the adage that as you get older you don't actually figure it all out, you just run out of enough energy to care anymore. #maybe
7.  104.7 The Mile is the most eclectic random radio station and absolutely the perfect background music for sitting in a cabin in Leadville Colorado with a beverage and good conversation. #ThanksMike #NinaBlackoodIsStillaDJ
8. I surprised myself to discover that I actually don’t like to catch big fish, I love the puzzle of figuring out how to catch them. #EnginerdBrain
9. I forget the power of mental and spiritual reset that occurs when wading in a calm mountain lake focused solely on nature. #SoVeryQuiet
10. I’m pretty sure the door knob in my house can detect the appropriate amount of stress built up in me to time it perfectly to catch my belt loop and wrap me around the door to say, “Dude, a stupid door stopped you, lighten up Francis”. #StupidLever
11. I discovered while stretching that it is a lot easier to touch the tips of your shoes if you take your shoes off and move them closer. #Gainz
12. I’m not the only one that suddenly can’t fall asleep because as I’m falling asleep I remember a favorite shirt that I haven’t seen in suspiciously long while and then tear apart the house trying to find it. #OhYeahItsTooSmall
13. I don’t know what’s happened in my past that makes deleting apps that I’ve never opened on my phone so difficult and I’d really like to know why. #IMightNeedItSomeday
14. An entire squad of Marines managed to defeat (get past undetected) an advanced DARPA AI powered human detection camera by somersaulting, pretending to be a cardboard box, and pretending to be a bush. #AINotQuiteTerminatorScaryYet
15. Apparently, I’m the only one in the world that was disappointed to hear that Tay-Tay and the Big Yeti are engaged, but not so disappointed that I didn’t stop to partake in the free celebratory donuts at Krispy Kreme. #Priorities
16. According to my wife, her life would be greatly improved if the couch sleepy transferred to the bed sleepy. #CantArgue

What I Learned This Week - 8/22/25

1.  The plastic flamingo lawn ornament is the official bird of Madison Wisconsin and I don’t know why I needed to know this. #StartedAsAPrank
2. Every year on the 4th of July, instead of fireworks, over 30 cars are launched over a cliff in Glacier View, Alaska and it is so popular that Google has pinned the launch site. #MakingSummerPlansNow #TheFOAT #IBelieveICanFly
3. Apparently when sharing a burrito with someone, cutting the burrito lengthwise makes me a horrible person. #StillCountsAsHalf 
4. When I ask my wife if the cup is half full or half empty, she will tell me to stop wearing her bra. #maybe
5. Google’s YouTube was originally intended to be a dating app with the tagline, “Tune-in, hook up” and launched on Valentine’s Day in 2005 - now you have useless information too. #WeirdBusinessPlan
6. Post surgery interviews of loved ones coming down from anesthesia highs will never not be funny. #EveryOneIsFine
7. I am now at the age where the day after staying up past midnight (without drinking) is the equivalent to having run a triathlon with the flu. #SoVeryTiredAndSore
8. My middle daughter’s purpose on earth is to experience, document and mock all of her sisters’ most embarrassing moments….oh and also provide snacks. #TheCheesecakeWasYummy
9. I'd like to change my answer to the icebreaker question this week, “if your belly button was an actual button, what would it do?” from “honks like a Ford Model-T AHOOOGAH!”  to “have it order me a pizza and beer to my immediate location free of charge”. #SoHungryRightNow
10. After explaining to my wife’s cat that leaving dead mice in my shoes is a thoughtful but unneeded gift, she now leaves mice heads at the door, next to my shoes. #Progress
11. My GSP is also a mouser. #LoudingCrunchingNoises
12. Beekeeping advice that advises to always talk to your bees when performing hive inspections must be an inside joke to summon the most vicious nether-spawn from the darkest depths of the multiverse, because that’s exactly what happened. #SorryMary 
13. Apparently I’m not the only one who wakes up before the alarm goes off because my mental clock believes the amount of sleep I’m getting is suspicious. #StupidBrain
14. According to a newlywed I work with, never ask your wife, “Who lit the fuse on your tampon?”. #SurprisedHesalive #DidntAskForAdvice
15. If you comment that the daily agenda written on the board in your daughter’s classroom looks a lot like a list of bible study verses and that your favorite scripture is either “Lunch 11:35-12:10 or Recess 2:15-2:35”, you don’t have to help setting up her classroom anymore. #WorkSmarter
16. There is a fine line in the amount of eye contact to give a flight attendant to make sure they know you’re awake and would like the teeny-tiny bag of snacks vs. being the creepy stalker that needs to be taken off the plane. #OrSoTSASays
17. I have no idea what the ancient equivalent is to watching someone that makes three times as much as you struggle to save a document to a PDF and then give you computer advice, but I’d really like to know for perspective. #HowIsThisRealityNow
18. Waiting for the terrified reaction in a person’s face is not as timely an indicator as you’d expect to catch that fact that you misheard, “cycle path” as “pschopath” . #ImAPsychopath
19. According to a co-worker, in every relationship there is a person that stacks dishes in the dishwasher like a Scandinavian Architect and one who stacks like a squirrel on meth. #WeHaveTwoArchitectsThatOccassionalyAgree

What I Learned This Week - 8/15/25

1.  At some point in my nearer-than-I’d-like-future, I will catch my last fish and not know it. #YesItAppliesToAnythingButThisHitsMeHarder
2. I’ve reached that time in my life where I must decide whether or not I’m going to pretend not to know something just to make my life easier. #TooTiredForThisShtuff
3. Apparently if you’re in a workshop group, editing a document and someone who is tech illiterate mangles the document so badly that someone exclaims, “oh god, what have you done?”, you’re not supposed to say, “yeah you’re not a pink pony girl and you don’t dance at a club”; you’re only supposed to think it. #OrSoHRSays
4. According to ChatGPT, the word that describes subscribing to a podcast that deep-dives subreddits and then following the subreddit about the podcast to get the behind the scenes is called, “stalking”. #maybe
5. I did not know the GPS tracker I bought for my wife’s cat was bidirectional until she “accidentally” called our phones at 2am trying to get her collar off. #SleepDeprivedConfusion #ReadTheFinePrint #CatDidItOnPurpose
6. If the cat that lives in your house suddenly starts peeing on everything but in the cat box, check underneath all your cabinets for a six-foot long bull snake, just sayin’. #WeirdSoundAtDoor #OrYourCatIsJustAJerk
7. You can tell which restrooms have no or poor cell phone service without checking your phone by just observing if there is graffiti on the stall walls. #OrPeopleStoppedCarryingPens
8. It should probably concern me more than it does that ChatGPT has a retro mode that only uses pre-2021 data and algorithms. #DontTakeAIAtFaceValueAndYoullBeFine
9. AOL announced it is ending its dial-up internet package in September and I honestly had no idea they offered other services than internet. #TheyDoWut
10. After a long think, the answer to the question of “do you ever make-up items for this list just to publish the list” is no, and when I get to that point I don’t make a list - that's why sometimes it can be a long time between posts. #KeepingItReal
11. According to a bumper sticker on a car in the parking lot, which was parked between two spaces, parking spaces are like underwear and are only meant to be occupied by one. #irony
12. I'm at the age where most Kellys I meet have never heard of the Kelly song from Cheers. #sadface #KellyKellyKelly #MineMineMine
13. Most Kellys will look at you in horror when you sing the Kelly song to them. #NotEvenSorry
14. Badgers in captivity can make friends with the live rats they are fed and decide not to eat them and I’m pretty sure there’s a great name for a rock band in there somewhere. #maybe
15. Some modern day Vikings prefer campervans over Drakkars. #ConquerByConcrete
16. Apparently, “season it like salt Bae” is a now universal measurement and applies to adding nutritional elements (including animal medications) to any food. #maybe 
17. If you give your dog a giant cow bone and put an old shoe on one end and let your dog gnaw on said bone in your front yard, your neighbors will never walk on your side of the street again. #maybe
18. You know you’re too busy when running errands counts as going out. #OrImJustLazy
19. People that have an extreme avoidance to a food, like hating the smell of mayonnaise (25% of the US) , may suffer from ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) that has an underlying overstimulation to something in that food that triggers them. #Weird #OrTheyJustDontLikeIt
20. When atheists exclaim, ”Oh god!”, I remind them that it is no longer appropriate in the modern social convention to appropriate another’s culture or beliefs and wait for the bomb to go off. #IDontMakeTheRulesUntilIDo 
21. Hippopotamuses (or is it Hippopotami?) kill more people per year than lions, sharks, and bears combined. #NoLongerWantAHippopotamusForChristmas
22. According to my wife, she has to buy ice cream because of her condition, her body doesn't make enough ice cream so she has to buy it. #ThatsMyGal