What I Learned This Week - 10/21/16

1.  419 days until Star Wars - Episode VIII is in theaters. 
2. According to my daughters, the dumbest animal in the jungle is the polar bear. #Geniuses
3. I agree that we are now at that point in history where the “factors leading to” paragraph lead into a map gets super flaggy and arrowy. #Skoolz
4. “Ariana Grande” is not a font name, but it should be.
5. Best tip jar request observed this week stated, “Just finished Stranger Things, need money for lightbulbs”. #RUN
6. The fact that there is a “highway to hell” and a “stairway to heaven” says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers. #NoUTurn
7. If my refrigerator opened my door to check on me as often I do with it, the world would have sentient refrigerators and that is kinda creepy. #MaytagUprising
8. I don’t know why only oranges (ok, and most citrus) are the only foods pre-sliced in nature. #EqualSlicesForAll
9. “I” before “E” except when you run a feisty heist on a weird beige foreign neighbor. #English
10. I don’t know why the Pope doesn’t just bless the ocean making it all holy water and ridding the world of evil through the precipitation cycle. Apparently he doesn’t have that kind of range in power or foresight. #Maybe
11. There are now single serving size vodka boxes (similar to a child’s juice box), because everyone needs to drink beverages through a tiny straw. #headache
12. Once you think about it, your tongue will never sit comfortably in your mouth. #Sorry
13. The definition of fear should now include, “username and password are incorrect”.
14. “I’ll be speaking with my lawyer” is the adult version of “I’m telling my mom”. #Pansies
15. You can respond with “that’s what the government wants you to think” to anything – especially important meetings with executives. #Helpful
16. Nobody says, “Woooow” longer than the man accused of something he did. 
17. Some people believe the word, “cologne” is actually spelled, “colon”. #IHaveNewsForU #LoveTheSmell
18. Apparently, the Word “queue” is not “Q” followed by four silent letters, but “Q” followed by four letters waiting their turn. #Manners
19. I’m fairly certain people in horror movies live in an alternate universe where there are no horror movies. #NoDontGoInThere
20. A critical milestone in adulthood is pausing during a suspiciously relaxing moment to ponder what responsibility you forgot about. #OhYeahPickUpKidsAnHourAgo
21. According to my youngest, underwear is small, secret clothing we wear under our normal clothing.
22. “Macaroni-and-cheese-and-Cheeto-Pizza” is a thing. #Eww
23. Honest threats starting with, “I’m a large, semi-muscular man” don’t intimidate most people. #LaughingAndPointing