What I Learned This Week - 10/7/16

1.  433 days until Star Wars - Episode VIII is in theaters. 
2. The home printer will only fail to operate at 9:30 pm when all three kids have important multi-chapter reports due the following day.
3. If the printer does finally decide to operate it will only print in yellow.
4. When a child complains about the mono-colored printing, telling her to inform the teacher that she took the time to highlight the important parts will not help her anxiety.
5. Whenever someone asks me to name a time and I reply, “I declare 10:30 will be named Steve”, the universal response is “Are you retarded?” #JuryIsOut
6. According to a coworker, Amish people experience the lowest rate of cyber-bullying. #BlankStare
7. Canadian currency projects their value onto a surface when a laser is shined through the transparent maple leaf.
8. There are four words that you never want to hear from your proctologist, “Wow, you smell good!”
9. When an interviewer asks to describe a time when you were resourceful, the correct answer is not, “I once ate a salad with a spoon”. #ButIWillLaugh
10. I’m fairly certain that in my lifetime, “Miss Universe” will not be from Earth. #MarsNeedsWomen
11. There is a podcast that breaks down every single minute of each Star Wars movie. No. Really.
12. “Lego-hair-bike-helmet” is a thing. #EverythingIsAwesome
13. Harry Potter famed Hermione Granger has a twin sister named “Hermitwo”. #BaDumBumpTsss
14. If you cannot find your kids anywhere in the house and they do not come when called, turn off the internet and watch them magically appear.