What I Learned This Week - 12/2/16

1.  377 days until Star Wars - Episode VIII is in theaters. 
2. My oldest daughter has reached the age where using the phrase, “big girl” is no longer a compliment.
3. I get a certain uneasiness when listening to the intro of the song and can’t tell if it’s going to be “Ice Ice Baby” or “Under Pressure”. #StillSingAnyway
4. I’m fairly certain the main reason for fire drills is to teach a large mass of people how to sarcastically leave a building as a group.
5. I’d like to see a reality TV series where a Flat Earth Society member has to live in the International Space Station for a year.
6. According to my middle daughter, an unwanted text makes a cell phone sound travel faster than the speed of sound.
7. Soy milk is basically bean water and coffee is basically bean water, so using both together is redundant.
8. People being paid to protest Donald Trump are only proving the point that Trump will create jobs. 
9. In the dog world, humans are magical creatures that can live to be 500+ years old.
10. You can only fold the dishes once.
11. According to a coworker, you can keep a 5 year old boy entertained for an entire day by handing him a bucket of water and a paint brush and have him “stain the fence”. 
12. You can hide snickers bars in the freezer from your teens if you conceal them in a “frozen salmon” wrapper. #StillWontTouchSalmon
13. Everyone has a special face they make when you call them by an unapproved nickname. #ImGoodAtFindingIt
14. When one of you kids poses the conundrum, “if you’re at a restaurant waiting for the waiter aren’t you’re the waiter”, the only response that makes their head smoke is to respond, “noun or verb?”. #WaitWut
15. If you write “-2-2x=  =x+2+    -2-2x=   =+1=+1”on paper with a lead pencil it makes a sound identical to the Mary Poopins song, “Chim Chimney” #MathIsInEverything
16. I know why if X-men’s famous Professor X can move objects and peoples action with his mind, why can’t he use that power on himself to not be a parapalegic.
17. “Sand” is thusly named because it occurs between the “Sea” and the “Land”. #Maybe
18. There is a mathematical function that correlates the love of a certain food vs how much you actually eat and positive values result in the “zone of regret”.
19. According to my kids, having to make a second trip to grab grocery bags is known as “the walk of shame”. #LittleDoTheyKnow
20. According to a coworker, Subway Jared began and ended his career by trying to get into smaller pants. #EatFresh
21. Some people assume I am quiet, boring, or shy without realizing that I just don’t like them. #Maybe
22. I’m fairly certain that Groupon is basically food stamps for the middle class.
23. Although society in general is smarter than ever, it appears that technology has given a voice to the unsophisticated masses.
24. Anyone can pretend to be serious but none can pretend to be witty.
25. My oldest’s go to response to not wanting to talk to me is, “Phone is about to die gotta go”. #ToMyFace