What I Learned This Week - 3/17/17

1.  272 days until Star Wars - Episode VIII – The Last Jedi is in theaters.
2. It’s an amazing feat of technology and global unification where I can sit in an Irish Bar and watch Australia play China in American baseball on a Spanish speaking ESPN station. #Glorious #IHaveNoIdeaWhatTheyAreSaying
3. When confirming online payments by clicking the “I’m not a robot” checkbox, I’m basically instructing a robot that I’m not a robot. #TheseAreNotTheDroidsYoureLookingFor
4. Any male dog I meet automagically sounds like the dog, “Doug” from the movie “Up!” in my head. #ICanSmellYou
5. Stick deodorant should have a small window on the side so that you can see how much is left. #TheMoreYouKnow
6. Best response to being asking if they were an organ donor, “Hell yes, who wouldn’t want a piece of this”.  #ArrogantlyFunny
7. People that state, “Suicide is never the answer” have not been asked the question, “what’s the word that means you’re trying to kill yourself?” #Perspective 
8. I recently realized when approaching a door that the most people I say, “ladies first” to is guys. #DoingItWrong
9. Apparently the question, “What’s in your mouth?” is translated in dog to, “OMG, chew faster!” #Probably
10. Six months is just the right amount of time it takes to forget how to adjust my car's clock. #BanDaylightSavings
11. If you ever want to test just how secure your house is, lock yourself out of it. #NeedANewWindow
12. I'm not sure if I should be more frightened of a computer that can pass the Turing test or the one that intentionally fails it. #Nightmares #ExMachina
13. I like the concept of having my grave eternally offering free Wi-Fi so people will visit more often. #maybe 
14. If I could play saxophone I’m fairly certain I’d do nothing but follow my teens around the house playing “Careless Whisper” by George Michael. #GuiltyFeetHaveGotNoRhythm
15. I’m surprisingly more entertained than I should be by a guy getting caught cheating on the pro sports “kiss cam”. #CantHideInThatBeanieBro
16. I really have no idea why people won’t kiss when the kiss cam turns to them. 
17. It baffles me that 911 is not available on Skype or Facetime. #LikelyFundingIssue #ShowMeTheProblem
18. I don’t know how Hallmark has not cornered the market on the “you park terribly” genre of cards. #MakingMyOwn
19. The only thing differentiating going “solo” vs. “alone” is attitude. #ItsDangerousTakeThis #IPreferToGoRogue
20. I’m fairly certain actor Morgan Freeman has been old my entire life. #DontRememberHimYoung
21. “Oreo-taco” is a thing.