What I Learned This Week - 5/12/17

1.  216 days until Star Wars - Episode VIII – The Last Jedi is in theaters.
2. A coworker confessed that some days he fantasizes about being a Golden Retriever owned by a middle class family in Maine. #CalmingThoughts #SuddenFearOfLymeDisease
3. Cycling has become the number one fitness activity of NASCAR drivers and their support teams. #NewViewOfDrafting #PeletonsMustBeHilarious
4. Google maps should have a navigation option for the least stressful route. #OhLookBabyLlamas
5. The phrases, “You do you” and “Go f@*# yourself” are technically the same phrase but mean completely opposite things. #English
6. Virtually all of my knowledge of computers came from computers. #Brainwashed #InTheMatrix
7. Although I am certain they exist, in almost 50 years of dog ownership, I have never noticed or looked for any of my dogs’ bellybuttons. #GreatNameForARockBand
8. A new parasite has been discovered in the eyes of fish that controls fish movement, I’m hoping that I have one which will explain every bad decision I’ve ever made. #maybe
9. After unintentionally appearing on live TV for over three minutes by being in the background, I bet I’m unintentionally in the background of literally hundreds of photographs of people I’ve never met. #AirportLife
10. Apparently I’m in the minority that believes Groot is this generations Jar-Jar Binks. #ImSoNotGroot
11. I have no idea what the age limit it for trying to move things with your mind. #NotThereYet
12. I cannot hide making unhealthy food from my wife by describing it as a chef would do on the food network, ie: “Fresh poultry cuts smothered in seasoned depigamtized ground wheat and boiled in exotic olive juice”. #HoneyThatsFriedChicken
13. According to data from Microsoft, Global internet traffic in 1992 was approximately 100 GB/day, today it is 20,000 GB/second. #ExceedsMyDataPLan
14. The video game GTA has taught me that if I wear a seat belt, I can’t be forcibly removed from a vehicle by a car thief.
15. After interacting in a meeting with a gentleman from Spain, it is not international knowledge that one does not go to Denny’s – they end up a Denny’s…..at three in the morning.
16. A toaster specifically designed solely for cooking bacon is a thing. 
17. Reading performance reviews of various bacon cooking methods and times based on “BPH” ) bacons per hour) will have me giggling for hours.