What I Learned This Week - 9/22/17

1.  84 days until Star Wars - Episode VIII – The Last Jedi is in theaters.
2. I love sarcastic people with creative vocabularies.
3. Neighbors will never complain that you’re reading too loud.
4. Pilots named “Joe” that makes jokes about being “another average Joe” somehow make me feel safer.
5. Airplanes that require the pilot to pump something furiously do not make me feel safer.
6. Pilots will give you a strange quizzical approval if you comment that you know the guy at Edo floats that designed their “wheels”.
7. There is a big difference in the phrases, “being picked up by a dingy” and “being picked up by the dingy”. #ow
8. Fresh salmon in Seattle is actually better than they brag about. #YesWay
9. Seattle happy hours have a one-way drink boundaries that defy any logic what-so-ever. #CouldBeAnEpisodeOfSeinfeld
10. The kazoo is considered an acceptable musical instrument in Seattle Irish bars. #AndHasACultFollowing
11. There is hope for the next generation when I sign a thank you letter with, “MTFBWYA” and I don’t have to explain it.
12. If your Garmin dies two minutes before you complete a ride, the ride didn’t happen no matter what Strava indicates. #CyclistLawNo12
13. There should be a Strava segment titled, “Craig’s Driveway” and only be ranked by suffer score. #MyOnlyKOM
14. Salesmen don’t appreciate it when they state, “…it’s just a fraction of the cost…” and I reply with, “5/2 is a fraction, so that means it could be more”. #OnToYouSalesGuy
15. I’m fairly certain it is impossible for a dragon to blow out birthday candles. #maybe
16. When one of my daughters tells me I’m a good Dad, instead of thanking them, I immediately wonder what they want. 
17. During talk like a pirate day, no one understands when you state, “I’m not paying $600 for Photoshop” and then open old Napster website. #DifferentKindofPirate #OrTheyJustIgnoreYou
18. Whatarebeans.com makes me laugh more than it should. #MycroftShutUp
19. When one of my daughters eat a pound of ice cream they are literally more than 1% ice cream. #IAmNot
20. Losing one glove is far more frustrating than losing both gloves. #WhereIsIt
21. Judging by the explanations, the majority of the people in the subreddit “Explain Like I’m Five” have never had to explain anything to a five-year-old. #ever