What I Learned This Week - 4/17/18

1.  601 days until Star Wars Episode IX is in theaters.
2. When in an important meeting, if you forget a word just state, “I forget the English word for it” so people will think you are bilingual instead of the idiot you actually are. #winning
3. Edgar Allan Poe married his first cousin when he was 26 and she was 13. #ew
4. Texting your spouse a picture of a clean kitchen is the marriage equivalent of sending nudes. #maybe
5. According to a couple at the airport, for every girl who wonders if a guy is staring at her, there is a guy who accidentally makes eye contact and is now afraid that she thinks he was staring at her. #WasntStaringHonest
6. According to my wife, my ability to be creepy has nothing to do with how much she loves me. #LovesMeAnyway
7. The video game Tetris teaches a valuable life lesson that if you fit in, you disappear. #BeDifferent
8. I’m fairly certain that orchestras are cover bands for classical music.
9. I have no idea if the “S” or “C” is silent in the word “scent”. Werdz
10. I have yet to meet a person that has calmed down when told to do so. #NoReallyCalmDown
11. The Konami code turned 32 this week and that makes me feel ancient. #↑↑↓↓←→←→BAStart
12. “Snorting condoms” is not the name of a new rock band but the latest teen fad/dare. #ICantMakeThisUp
13. If your wife sets the bathroom scale directly in front of the refrigerator it’s time to find an alternate location for “the good stuff” and not a sign that I need more exercise.  #LiesITellMyself