What I Learned This Week - 12/7/18

1.  377 days until Star Wars Episode IX is in theaters.
2. I’m at that age where my mind thinks I’m 29, my humor suggests I’m 12, and my body keeps asking me if it’s dead yet. #possibly
3. Modified drones make it far easier and faster to TP someone’s hose. #JustSayin
4. My youngest does not have the patience to teach her mother the finer points of ice skating. #ItsHystericalToWatch
5. When ice skating with my wife and she asks me to show her my skating moves, it is not an invitation to cross-check her into the boards. #ItWasALegalCheck
6. There is a small group of people who read this list and say aloud, “oh wait, that was me”. 
7. There is another group of people who reluctantly read this list and say aloud, “Please don’t let me have made the list”. 
8. My basset’s jowls are so large she actually loses chunks of food in them, resulting in surprise-food-finding-lip-smacking-crunch-fest hours later. #WHATISTHATNOISE
9. I met someone who named their kitchen island and is actually shocked when they have to explain it to guests. #StatenFTW
10. I met more than one person this week that named their cat, “Catthew” and I’m sure it has some underlying apocalyptic meaning.
11. I have not reached the age where bonking someone over the head with an empty wrapping paper tube ceases to be fun. #LoveTheSound
12. A movie will make me lose interest the movement a character has ability to insert the USB drive on the first attempt under extreme pressure. #AlmostAsBadAsBadCupActing
13. My wife is now on the bad cup acting bandwagon with the shout to the television, “OMG, you swallow after you take a sip of coffee!”. #ImSoProud
14. There is a strong likelihood that once Mars is colonized, after several generations the inhabitants will develop a completely different language than any on Earth. #CommunicationProblems
15. It is human to make a mistake, unless you make one in a captcha. #DammitImNotARobot
16. The interwebz has not be able to decode why one’s fingers have tips, their toes do not, but one can tiptoe and never tipfinger. #SoConfused
17. Transgender people that argue one can’t grow a penis, have never had that discussion with a pregnant woman. #maybe
18. I’m fairly certain it is impossible for any adult male to strap down any kind of load in/on a trailer without stating, “that’s not going anywhere” as he tightens the last strap. #fact
19. Apparently, it is not general knowledge that it is impossible for a man to use a tape measure without first observing how far it can be extended it before it collapses under its own weight.
20. When using an impromptu pen to secure a hair bun, make sure the writing side ends on the top of the bun. #NeckPenTattoo #SoImTold