What I Learned this Week 6/30/23

1.  Somewhere, someone is spending their last day with a full set of fingers. #AlmostMe
2. I've never witnessed a neighbor unloading groceries from a car but yet every time I visit they have food. #Weird
3. "Phonetic" isn't the phonetic spelling of phonetic and that hurts my head. #Why
4. Your nose is always in your field of vision but your brain has trained itself to ignore it. #MadeYouLookAtYourNose
5. It's only a matter of time before stores require consumers to bring their own shopping carts, mine will be autonomous and have a rapid-fire nerf defense system. #maybe
6. Generating memes using https://imgflip.com/ and privately sending them to coworkers via chat is a far more entertaining way to attend a very boring meeting. #SoManyMemes
7. Accidentally sharing a meme to the group chat will immediately result in 40,000 memes made about you.#WillDoItAgain
8. The joy of a 75 year old man announcing he is going to become a grandfather for the first time is sweet and contagious. #NotReadyForGrandkids
9. Finding cicadas in my yard will never not be fun. #Fact
10. If your garbage man sticks an A.A. pamphlet on your recycle bin you might have have to reconsider how you disperse your after party remains. #maybe
11. The only time driving isn't muscle memory is when something weird happens that makes you focus on the contraction of every muscle in your body. #WhewTHATWasClose
12. If you ever have a dental hygienist that was missing a finger and don't joke that you don't bite hard or she will sweat uncomfortably for the entire cleaning. #MyBad
13. I have only owned one brand new car and have vivid memory of what it smells like, but I can't tell you how the current cologne I'm wearing smells. #Weird
14. According to a coworker, if  your wife gives birth via caesarian, your child was not born; it was evicted. #LaugherHarderThanIShould
15. I don't know why it's called Mount Rushmore when it's not a mountain but a cliff face. #maybe
16. Apparently there is an unwritten rule that you can't send someone just one condolence. #StupidCard
17. When in the presence of a house full of women, they don't appreciate the "that's what she said" as a standard reply no matter how funny you find it. #ExceptMaybeLeah
18. Slapping someone on the butt is the only action that can be used platonically, romantically, playfully, criminally, or as punishment. #HRDeptmentDisagrees
19. I don't know why any singular clothing worn below the waist and above the feet is always plural. #CantPutOnAPants #YesTheyUsedToBe2Pieces
20. Apparently I'm not the only one that experiences a special pain that is unlocked for muscles you didn’t know you had when you try to put on or take off a jacket while in the drivers seat of your car. #NeedsAName
21. I have been to many vineyards but have never met a single raisin farmer. #PrettySureRaisinsAreAccidents
22. I don't know why the Charmin bears are red and I'm too afraid to Google it. #Ew