What I Learned This Week 6/16/23

1.  Responding to tense situations in heated meetings with, "Don't threaten me with a good time" will cause the room to go silent, some people scooching away from you, and the meeting possibly adjourning early. #TimeManagement
2. My fourth daughter's dog, Pixie, will only eat her special string cheese treats if the cheese is presented only in stringy form, any other presentation will leave the dog confused lending more evidence to my theory that dogs are hairy toddlers. #Maybe
3. When whitewater rafting, the front seat is the best and the worst seat on the raft. #SoVeryCold
4. When river guides perform a head count on the shuttle bus, responding with "I only have one" will leave the guide confused and invoke the response, "Don't ever talk to me again". #TotallyWorthIt
5. River Guides who give lists of things not to do are actually giving me lists of the goals for the day. #TotallyStoodInTheBoat
6. People who say, "the solution to pollution is dilution", have never seen the great garbage patch in the Pacific which is viewable from space. #IGetItWasMeantForPeeing
7. River guides should never challenge me to a Dad joke face off. #IMustBreakYou
8. I don't know where people got the notion that wet suits keep you dry because their function is literally in their name. #DrySuitIsWhatYouWant
9. The first rule of not falling out of the raft in a rapid is that you do not talk about falling out of the raft in a rapid. #RiverRules
10. "Paddle high-fives" are cool....once. #OnlyAfterSavingASwimmer
11. No one will ever notice if you fart in your wetsuit the middle of a rapid. #fact
12. Few things in life beat a post river day bourbon around a campfire with family and friends. #bliss
13. Whenever a clerk or salesperson asks, "Do you need any help?", my new go to response is "Yes, but I chose to come here instead". #WatchThemStepBack
14. Although my phone is rated to be submerged in 5 feet of water for a half hour, it's not rated to be submerged in a hail filled gutter for 20 minutes. #oopsie #StillWorksNoSound
    
15. Certain whiskies are finished in beer barrel casks and this confuses me more than it should. #ItsBackwards #StillTasty
16. As a result of the rainy spring, I've concluded that there are two types of car owners in my office (1) those who are upset when it rains because the rain is getting their car dirty and (B) those who are happy when it rains because the rain is getting their car clean.#Truth
17. The Guinness Book of World Records doesn't award a record for someone with the most GB world records because awarding that record would create and infinite loop of new most records. #HurtsMyHead 
18. You don't have to raise your hand to knock on a door and I don't know where most people believe that's the only way to knock. #conspiracy
19. The average person is exposed to more colors watching a half hour of TV than naturally existed 100 years ago. #LotsOfDigitalColor
20. Almost every jock, bully, or thug you've ever seen in a movie has actually just been a theater kid pretending to be one. #Maybe
21. According to my new intern, "crispy" is just the thin version of "crunchy". #woah
22. It confuses me that I can grow tired of conversations with people rather quickly but my mental conversations never stop. Ever. #ImNotInteresting
23. After a recent Diamond Dog event apparently it's general consensus that hearing "I love you" hits different than "I love you too". #ButItStillHits
24. According to a former work mentor, it's the parent's job to raise their children and the child's adult relationship with them is their performance review. #Maybe