What I Learned This Week 7/28/23

1.  Texting a coworker a photo of their phone on the conference room table with a caption, "hey you forgot this" and have them walk into the conference room with their phone in their hand will never not be funny. #WheresMyPhone
2. If you wear shirts that are too similar two days in a row, people will assume you wore the same shirt, but if you actually wear the same pair of jeans two days in a row, nobody will notice or care. #25DaysAndCounting
3.  "Tweets" are no more and are now called "X-changes" and I really don't care. #Maybe
4. Elon Musk has trademarked the letter "X" and I now have no idea how to use any of the words in the 24th chapter of the dictionary. #SoManyWords  #HighwaysAreScrewed
   
5. I don't know why grapes and plums are the only fruit that if dried get a rebranding exercise.  #DriedGrapeIsHardToSay
6. People from the South will call you a "hero" if you sit and tell jokes to a rattlesnake on the side of the trail so the person can walk by safely. #AlmostDied
7. My new favorite ice breaker in meetings is called, "Florida Man" where people google the phrase "Florida Man" then add the month and day of their birthday. #LetTheFunBegin  #MadeYouGoogle
   
8. As a result of a recent Florida Man game all my machetes will be named "Kindness". #ScaryHeadline
9. People who believe it's okay to put in half the effort have never had to live with a beard where the electric shaver battery died half way through shaving it off. #LookedLikeAComicBookCharacter
10. People at large events wearing brightly colored vests with the word "PRESS" on each side actually don't want you to touch them like a button or at all. #ItSaysPress
11. According to my boss, talking to myself alone in my office does not constitute as a team meeting. #NotSureAboutThat
12. Although all my kids get the "you had me at hello" reference, none of them have ever watched Jerry Maquire. #DontGetShowMeTheMoney
13. You know you should probably be removed from society when you get road rage walking behind someone at the supermarket. #JustWalkFaster
14. Best bumper sticker I've witnessed this year goes to "Some people really didn't deserve to meet my dog". #Agreed
15. Apparently "T-shirt" is short for "Tyrannosaurus Shirt" because it has short arms and not because it's shape forms a tee. #TotallyNotTrue
16. According to a coworker, a wireless mouse should just be called a hamster and I really can't find a flaw in his logic. #NoTail
17. I have no idea if a vampire police officer with a warrant to search my house could actually enter my house. #StillNotInvitingItIn
18. No matter how true, my wife doesn't like me referring to her as my ex-girlfriend. #Maybe
19. Even through the temperatures are the same, a cold room at night is a different kind of cold than a cold room in the morning. #Physics