What I Learned This Week 7/21/23

1.  When standing in the middle of a Home Depot on a Saturday it occurred to me that I spend a lot of time visiting other peoples jobs on my day off. #CantNotDoIt
2. According to Google analytics, the chance of being bitten by a shark on land is not 0% and this has me questioning my surroundings. #WhyDoIHearDunDun
3. Teenage girls saying "I can't even" eventually turn into old ladies that say "Well I never". #ThatsOdd
4. Asking someone their name is no different than asking, "What noise should I use to get your attention?" but the latter you will most definitely get a weird look. #AndAFunnySound
5. No matter how accurate, people don't like referring to a belly button as their "old mouth". #MakesYouLookAtBikinisDifferently
6. My brain can remember a random event from 10 years ago, but can easily forget why I walked into a room 10 seconds ago.#AllTheTime
7. Green is the color for both toxic and safe and lawyers should probably rethink this. #OutOfColors
8. You can't explain how magic works because if you know how it works, then it's science. #IRuinEverything
9. It doesn't matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip always feels like you are an unsupervised 8 year old who was given money. #TwizzlersFTW
10. People who take naps are the real heroes because it takes courage to wake up twice in one day. #Rockstars
11. According to a coworker, dating in your 30's  is wondering why someone is single, then figuring it out. #OhScary
12.  I don't understand the global outrage behind tennis legends Maria Sharapova and Stefanie Graf  now playing pickleball and I'm too afraid to ask. #SoMuchFun #AgassiAndMcEnroePlayToo
13. A coworker repurposes old bike tubes with slide release buckles to make adjustable bungie chords and I'm really disappointed that I didn't think of it first. #GettingOld
14. I'm pretty sure black Colorado license plates are the antithesis of being a Coloradan. #ColorfulColorado
15. Nick Castle, who played Michael Myers in the original Halloween movie, has a cat named Michael Meowers and I believe that the second best cat name ever. #CinyClawfordFTW
16. The word "Ohio" looks like a tractor and I don't know what to do with this information. #40hp
17. According to a guy in a bar, my pronoun is "dumbass". #MoreTrueThanFunny