What I Learned This Week - 9/15/23

1. I don't know why it's called a self-checkout lane when there are no mirrors to actually review one's appearance. #maybe
2. Local music festivals would be greatly improved if they allowed high school bands to play. #AwfulOldGuys
   
3. I don't know why electrical engineers aren't called Power Rangers. #NerdsInSuits
4. Best road sign on a dirt road turn off this week goes to "No Trespassing - we're tired of hiding the bodies". #U-TurnItIs
5. According to my Leah, the best part about going to a Broadway type musical is the people watching in the lobby. #TotallyAgree
6. Justin Collette is a better Beetlejuice than Michael Keaton. #Fact
7. The word "whatchamacallit" in German is "dingsbums" and I have no idea how to use this information. #Carefully
8. My campfire life epiphanies make my oldest cry...in a good way. #SorryMaddy
9. Having a virtual dinner with a daughter degrades into the same hysterical conversations as if they were actually at the table. #StillGiggling
10. Apparently stating, "the Broncos defense looks as confused as a baby momma on Father's Day" is the funniest thing I've ever said. #DontThinkSo #ThanksTim
11. Weirdest response to the question "How ya doing?" this week goes to "I discovered my body is NOT a temple, but it's a Federation Starship with critical hull damage and shields at 0%". #ImFeelingThat
12. According to my wife, regardless of my overwhelming concern to determine if she's dead, I should know by now not to touch her when she's sleeping, even a gentle caress. #IDont
13. If I read or make up funny alternative lyrics to a song, I won't ever be able to remember what the lyrics originally were. #LosingToAPigeon
14. Most appropriately named tool is designed to flush ear canals with water to gently remove wax and debris and is called the "Earigator" by Nupur Technologies. #TheyGetIt
15. To the local rancher with really tall grass field and a sign in the middle that reads "goat wanted", I think you need at least two goats. #MaybeSeven
16. I discovered I'm one of those people that reads a text and thinks, "What a psycho...", then hits send. #maybe
17. "Parkour" is not the mental gymnastics of jumping from one stressful thought to another, but it should be. #Maybe
18. In a 60 minutes interview, Jimmy Buffet admitted he wrote Margaritaville in 6 minutes as a filler for his album, Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes. #Wow
19. As I get older it becomes harder and harder to tell the difference between the number 1, an uppercase I, and lowercase L. #StupidFonts #NeedATelescope
20. I found a DIY on how to hack an old Furby to integrate it with a Google home to make a smart-Furby and then had an Oppenheimer moment to determine if I should. #NotFor400Dollars
21. When you comment on a coworker's raisins by referring to them as "grape jerky" they will leave the lunch table. #TheyGagged
22. I have never seen elections held for the mayor of Flavor Town but when I do, I'm going to beat Guy Fieri. #Promise
23. To save yourself some embarrassment, when someone gives you the riddle, "What has one hole you go into and three you come out of?", the correct answer is a SHIRT. #ApparentlyImHorrifying
24. According to a small child in aisle 11 of the local grocery store, detergent is also called "laundry sauce". #ThatsAmazing
25. I don't know why protesters keep up signs for years, especially those that read "End Road Work". #TheyDontWork
26. According to a coworker's child, Vicks Vaporub is actually called "spicy Vaseline". #Agreed 
27. I spend more time doing the math of doubling how far my appearance is away from the mirror than actually looking at my appearance in the mirror. #ThatsWhyIWoreThat