What I Learned This Week - 11/10/23

1.  Once you notice the word "canoe" is in the word "volcanoes", you'll never pronounce "volcanoes" the same again. #maybe
2. If you don't play the mobile phone version of "Call of Duty" while going to the bathroom you're missing a prime pun opportunity. #2for1
3. When the take-out taco place includes an undisclosed roll of toilet paper in your order, you're going to have a bad time. #PeptoFTW
4. Stating that you're older than Google isn't the flex to younger coworkers you expect it to be, but when you tell that one wise guy born on Sept 3, 98 that he is, it is extremely rewarding. #Sept-4-98
5. A consultant misspoke and told me she, herself was too understaffed to perform the work and I related to that on a personal level. #Ready4Bed 
6. Apparently, several people in my office exhibit orange cat behavior and as a dog owner I have no idea what that means. #ShareABraincell
7. Abstaining from pecan pie isn't what the theme of this month is about. #NutAllergies
8. Saying "no" to any question asked of you isn't what the theme of this month is about either. #NOvember
9. In theory a pregnant horse should be faster because it has two horsepower. #NotScience
10. We've reached that point in history where wildly absurd satirical articles from the Onion actually seem probable. #MoreTrueThanFunny
    
11. The action performed by the little boy to me in a restroom last week is known as, "stalling" and, not surprisingly, common at many high schools and colleges. #eew
12. Sharing nachos with people I just met is the best way to learn about them and their ability to pick up on what I consider spicy. #ApparentlyImSatan
13. I've always believed that being a monger was limited to war, fear and fish, but have recently learned that cheese is my new favorite one. #SoManyMore
14. Best response by someone who just told me the same story as yesterday, "Look, at my age, my brain is so full of crap that I can only remember about five great stories and they all take turns being told. I can't control the remember. Please just give me that joy". #SuddenlyPersonal
15. The World Health Organization declared that microplastics can now be found in every living thing on Earth making the adage true, there really is a little bit of Barbie in all of us. #maybe
16.  There is a special level of anxiety you experience when you're a guest in the home of someone you just met, and you flush the toilet and the water level starts to rise. #NoNoNoNoNo
17. The relief of the water not overflowing in the previous event will make you have to use the toilet again and spark a new anxiety you didn't know you had. #PleasePleasePlease
18. Best t-shirt in the airport this week read "Day 9 without tacos: lost hearing in my right eye". #CantWaitForDay10
19. Microsoft Word just turned 40 years old and still can't format text and images in any way that makes sense. #WeStillUseIt
20. Considering the amount of times, I've heard their song since 1986, Bon Jovi has to be far more than half way there by now. #Woah-Oh
21. To this day I have no idea how Columbia House ever made or how they thought they could make money on their "12 CDs for a penny" business model through the 1990s. #AlwaysCancel